A Conspiracy of Dunces

He has no concerns as to whether the USMC would push Guam past the tipping points. He also has yet to ask whether the Mars Rover has snapped any photos of the flag Neal Armstrong planted so dramatically into the ground. Yet, when Alvin Greene (D-SC) won the nomination to oppose Jim DeMint in the SC US Senate race, he proved to the world that a lack of intellectual firepower in no way hampers his aspiration to a better life. He serves as an inspiration to all Americans from sea to shining sea who are not quite as think as you stoned they are.

It’s hard to figure out where this man stands on the issues. The public would probably learn more about this man’s life from the sex offender registries than they can from his recent public statements. Google Alvin Greene and you get a link to service that helps you map sex offenders on your cell phone. Channel 7 News from Spartanburg, SC found the nominee somewhat less informative than Croesus found The Delphic Oracle. Their story on his victory follows below.

When asked why he’s running, Greene said only, “To make a difference.” When asked whether he had positions on issues or a platform, he said, “To get South Carolina priorities in order as well as the rest of the country’s.” He wouldn’t answer a question about where he got the $10,400 filing fee to run for office. He’s facing a felony charge of showing obscene material to someone under 18 for an incident last November on the USC campus. Camille McCoy says Greene started talking to her in a dorm computer lounge, then showed her pornographic images on his computer.

Democratic State Campaign Chair was beside herself.

“I have no idea how he won. I just don’t know. And as to where he got the $10,000 to pay a filing fee when he is apparently unemployed, I asked him where the money came from, because when you run for office your money has to be disclosed–you have to tell where you got it–and he told me several times that that was his money. He had that money. And I have no knowledge that it came from anywhere else.”(HT: Channel 7)

House Majority Whip James Clyburn (D-SC) suspects foul play. He opines below.

“There were some real shenanigans going on in the South Carolina primary,” Clyburn said during an appearance on the liberal Bill Press radio show. “I don’t know if he was a Republican plant; he was someone’s plant.”(HT: The Hill)

Cord Jefferson, an interviewer for The Root.com asks whether Alvin Greene is “The Real Joe The Plumber?” He could probably re-read the interview transcript and answer Congressman Clyburn’s question himself. Alvin Greene is not only a plant, but borders on being a vegetable.

What would require genuine honesty is to admit the sinister truth. Alvin Greene is not a plant. Alvin Greene won fair and square. He won for several important reasons.

1) He was black. So are most motivated SC Democratic voters. They voted skin color and Greene won in a walk.

2) His opponent was an Establishment Democrat, and the Establishment Dems have lost the Jacksonians. This explains why no Army of lower class White voters showed up to defeat an unknown candidate who had no money to campaign.

3) Voters do not really care enough to figure out who these people are. One SC voter famously mistook her chosen candidate for Al Green, the Gospel Singer. If only she had heard the man in front of a microphone!

So the SC Dems have nominated the worst Democratic candidate to seek higher office since Jack Kevorkian’s Lawyer, Geoffrey Fieger, ran to be the Governor of Michigan in 1998. He will be mercifully sent home to find other employment by Senator Jim DeMint. The Democrats are trying desperately to pull a Torricelli Switch and get Greene off their ticket.

But the brutal truth is that there was no fix. This guy Greene scrapped up $10K, happened to be the right skin color, and didn’t have to have a plan, an issue or even a (deleted) clue to win this primary. Like Joe Barton, I’ll be stripped of my leadership position for even writing such blasphemy! Maybe I just do it because I don’t have one, and therefore like, Alvin Greene, have nothing much to lose.