When All You’ve Got Is A Hammer…..

Robert Reich has a hammer, and all the world’s problems, even it’s Phillips-Head Screws, seem to look a lot like nails. Reich suffers that myopia so badly, that this very morning he is offering his solution to the crisis, straight from the desk of Robert Reich, PE. Of course, Robert Reich is no more a Professional Engineer than either KOTM or Repair_Man_Jack, but he must have stayed in a Holiday Inn Express last night because he can give us all five good reasons why the Feds should put BP under receivership.

His first reason made my monitor overjoyed that I didn’t have a cheek full of coffee. According to his 4th Reichness, We are not getting the truth from BP. Which is exactly why you’d bring in the guys who swear up and down they that they never offered Joe Sestak a job to get him out of the PA Senate Primary. If you want the truth, you need to bring in the guys who famously remarked “We’d better pass the stimulus, or unemployment might get as high as 8%!” The Obama Administration, like the Red-Handed Scourge that is War, claimed truth as its initial casualty.

Reich wasn’t quite through amusing the crowds. He has four more reasons why he believes BP should go the way of Chrysler and GM. We have no way to be sure BP is devoting enough resources to stopping the gusher.

So Robert Old Bean, remind us exactly what our amazing gubbermint has done. No really, to quote Congressman Bobby Rush, what has Barack Obama actually done? The man couldn’t be bothered with Arlington Cemetery on Memorial Day. His schedule is jam-packed. He’d never want to leave any golf course behind.

One other reason why Robert Reich, PE couldn’t be sure BP us doing all that it can would be that Robert Reich, PE, wouldn’t have the slightest clue what to do if he were in charge either. Neither would His Harvardness, Barack I. Neither would 100% of the engineers forced to settle for Federal Civil Service instead of a well-remunerated position as a Petroleum Engineer.

There is nobody in DC that has any good ideas. If they had them, we would have heard them by now. The well has been gushing for over a kfucing month! What ever happened to this administration’s commitment to “the fierce urgency of now?”

But Reich is the gift that just keeps on giving. Perhaps his column could be prima-face evidence of what you get when you feed a jack-ass bulk laxatives. Ah, yes reason number three why we should nationalize another nation’s petroleum company; BP’s new strategy for stopping the gusher is highly risky.

Risky as opposed to what? We could always just try Top-Kill again. It worked so well the first time. Or we could shoot more golf balls into the hole. That would at least pique Barack Obama’s personal interest in the oil spill.

Anything done 1 mile under the ocean is inherently risky. The technical difficulty of operating machinery under that much pressure is commensurate with putting people on the moon. We just admitted, kinda-sorta, that NASA was no longer up to that task. Perhaps Robert Reich, PE can give us a low-risk alternative that beats letting the “damn hole” just leak itself out, like a pus-filled wound.

I know! We could blame George Bush and stop allowing the networks to cover it. As far as Barack and his cheerleaders are concerned, that would make the environmental problem just go away. I feel the risk to the President’s poll numbers abating as I blog!

Predictably, reason number four belongs along side the others in The Madison, AL landfill. Right now, the U.S. government has no authority to force BP to adopt a different strategy. The US government has no authority over petroleum production? Are you joking, Mr. Reich?

Deepwater Horizon operated in US territorial waters. It was licensed under US environmental laws. If gushing enough oil to power Indy 500s for the next century does not constitute legal grounds for us to assume control over the project, BP must have gotten a lot in return for the $16M they’ve given Barack Obama and his political allies.

If we sent The navy out there and told them to leave, we’d have all the authority we needed. Doing so would bring us back to the overdetermining reason that Robert Reich, PE is blowing mule chunks instead of making logical sense. The US government is impotent in the face of this crisis. Putting the government nakedly in charge would reveal that impotence to the American People.

Its at this point in his maundering document, that Robert Reich joins forces with The Birthers. The President is not legally in charge. He grandiloquently declares. Again, the President can be legally in charge the minute he offers BP $10 for the Deepwater Horizon Terminal and all the slagged property that it entails.

BP would vanish from the site within hours. Their lobbyists would call Barack’s people, and by the end of the day enough money would change hands so that President Obama would willing to offer BP an environmental award again. It could be the Nice-Try Trophy for Exceptional Effort.

Oh, and just because Robert Reich, PE seems to need reminding. The government is helpless to solve this without the professional expertise resident in the industry. There are maybe twenty-five people alive who know how to handle this. They don’t work Sam’s Government. Giving Barack Obama Al Gore’s elusive controlling legal authority would not enable him to read these twenty-five minds.

At best, Robert Reich is a myopic and hard-blowing mediocrity. His suggestion that BP get nationalized shows this in bas-relief. He has no ideas and has reverted to his Marxian default mode. When in doubt, have government take over. It worked so well when Benito Mussolini made all the trains run on time.