Who Wudda' Thunk It? (Predictably Unexpected Job-Losses In March).

“You’re kidding me!”

“No Bleepin’ Way!”

“Boy, I never cudda’ seen that one coming!”

It’s another unexpected set of job losses! The slack-jaw copy-gibbons at Bloomberg express their shock and dismay below.

Companies in the U.S. unexpectedly cut payrolls in March, according to data from a private report based on payrolls.

But that just can’t be! Bloomberg patiently explains that this is just an aberration. The flowers are blooming, the breeze is sweet. That wet sensation on your leg is just an April shower come one day early. Ignore that that curious urine-like scent emanating from your trouser-cuffs.

“The labor market trend is still up,” said David Milleker, chief economist at Union Investment GmbH in Frankfurt, who was the only economist in a Bloomberg News survey to forecast the ADP figures would show a loss of jobs. “Today’s numbers might have disappointed relative to expectations but indicate not in the least a change in trend. It takes some more time for private sector job creation to return to normal.”

Yep, it’s Eurasia, not Eastasia, that we’ve always been at war with this week. Those $1 Bn accounting write-offs and “adjustments” that some evil, greedy, scum-sucking corporate profit-sows have been taking !ARENOT! a result of Glorious Obamacare. They have nothing what-so-ever to do with this month’s number.

Nothing about this imperialistic surjection, oops, I mean wonderful social achievement and cornerstone of the Amerikan collective, would *possibly* inspire a Less Employees Are Necessary 6-Sigma Revolution. So ignore anyone who says such blasphemous things that nobody is actually saying. You are hereby ordered to believe in recovery.