In Touch With His Inner Beavis

Filmmaker: In a word, what is your raison d’etre?

Beavis: It’s in my pants.

– From The Beavis and Butthead episode “Generation In Crisis”

When a friend of Mr. VanDriessen decided to make a documentary about troubled youth, the teacher naturally offered up his two most heinous examples – Beavis and Butthead. The friend was an anthropologist, and he wanted to do a shocking expose on the slacking youth of the mid-1990’s. The results involve some of the most laughably skewed research not performed by the UN IPCC contributors. If Mr. Elder, the filmmaker who asked Beavis about his raison d’etre, were to film modern American journalists, perhaps the career of Keith Olbermann would provide a documentary subject worthy of B&B.

Olbermann has enjoyed a long and successful career in media. As much as I righteously dislike the man, I must admit that he has succeeded far beyond the functional mean in his chosen field of endeavor. Yet his success gains him no peace and very little popularity or respect. Olbermann’s perpetual and humiliating disquietude stems from a commonality between himself and Beavis. It involves Keith Olbermann’s raison d’etre.

I have no degree-work in clinical psychology, but it really doesn’t require much head-shrinking to determine what makes this particular puppy such a sick one. Olbermann obsesses over proving his own virility and intelligence. He obsesses beyond an age where most human males learn to accept who they are.

The man has never found his place in life and feels challenged even in the luxurious penthouse. His lack of emotional poise leads to his lack of equipoise. Staurt Schwartz of The American Thinker concludes the following about Little Keith Olbermann.

In the end and in Olbermann’s eyes, life is what it has always been: hostile. The viewers are disappearing, and all that remains is a Krakatoa of rage, of poisons spewing forth from a shell of a man on a shriveled network into the homes of a shrinking audience.

Most of us reach at cordial accommodation with our human frailties. For me, the rather amusingly stupid broken ankle that I suffered on the rugby pitch helped me finally realize it was time to grow up and shop at Clue-Mart. In the decade after I missed that tackle and watched the opposition roll into the Try-Zone, my earnings increased ten-fold, I successfully married, started a family and drank about forty gallons less of the golden beverage every year. Whatever it took to get it, I had finally kinda-sorta’ figured out what “is” is.

In some respects, Keith Olbermann has already outperformed anything I’ll ever accomplish. He’s rich, he’s famous and his enemies cower in fear. Yet, like Beavis, he will never really command serious respect. He doesn’t even really respect himself.

You can see the Inner Beavis anytime he doesn’t get what he wants. When Scott Brown won the Massachusetts Senatorial Election, Olbermann reacted with the stoic poise of a three year-old deprived of a candy bar. Olbermann described the moderate Republican as a disaster in the making. Olbermann’s dementia follows below.

“In short, in Scott Brown we have an irresponsible, homophobic, racist, reactionary, ex-nude model, teabagging supporter of violence against woman and against politicians with whom he disagrees. In any other time in our history, this man would have been laughed off the stage as an unqualified and a disaster in the making by the most conservative of conservatives. Instead, the commonwealth of Massachusetts is close to sending this bad joke to the Senate of the United States.”(HT: RealClearPolitics)

Beavis would have said. “He said teabagging..huhhuhhuh!”

Olbermann’s bemused and embarrassed professional colleague, Joe Scarborough was considerably less amused. “A certain person on this network whose name will not be mentioned went on a tirade, the likes of which, sad and pathetic.” Mr. Scarborough opined. (HT: RealClearPolitics)

I differ with Scarborough on many things. This one, however, he nailed dead center. Keith Olbermann is pathetic. He is Beavis without the stereotypical excuse of the bad upbringing. Beavis could even grow up one day and join the Army. Olbermann? Keith Olbermann impersonates a serious adult; with no prayer of ever filling that pair of trousers.

In the end, he will either get it, or maybe he won’t. Right now he’s in touch with his inner Beavis and not too likely to progress much further along the winding trail of human evolution. I’ll never know if he ever does become a worthy man. Like most of the rest of America, I won’t be watching. The Great Cornholio is much funnier when channeled by a raucous fourteen-year-old.