Merry Christmas to Our Brave Paladins Fighting In Khandahar

It seems that Dr. Tom Coburn is one, primo sick puppy. He’s Uriah Heep, Mean Mr. Mustard and The Grinch Who Stole Christmas in one tightly-wound, down-home package. He’s successfully made the heads of liberal bloggers from coast to coast go pop like so many miniatures of the Pheonix, AZ condominium market.

Talking Points Memo earned extra points for over-the-top, caffeine-induced, stupid commentary. According to the fair minded ladies and germs at that wonderful online source of news and information, Senator Tom Coburn doesn’t want to fund the troops in Afghanistan. “How so?” Inquires Thrasymachus. “Didn’t he used to lay guitar tracks down for GWB and The Fighting Neo-Cons?”

True that, Brother, but its not quite truthy enough for the Jon Stewart Set at TPM. It seems that Dr. Coburn had the unmitigated gall to order read a 760 page amendment to the current healthcare bill (whatever that is for the next 10 minutes). This amendment, from the vastly futile mind of Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, would have established a single-payer health plan for the United States.

After three maundering hours, the poor, hapless clerk stuck reading this epistle of monumental stupidity had to be wondering what took possession of his soul when he applied for that neat, secure Gubbermint Job. Bernie Sanders and Harry Reid apparently felt the same way and bullied the parliamentarian into allowing them to pull the amendment and thereby suspend the monotony. Republican Senators claimed this violated Senatorial procedure.

Procedure apparently requires anyone devoid of opportunity enough to be watching three hours of this on C-Span to know the fulsome, scurvy truth of how terrible for America that Progressive legislative ideas truly are. Perhaps they believe that only massive exposure to the stupidity of the Senate’s self-proclaimed socialist would give the American people a true appreciation for how glorious it was when the Berlin Wall got taken down.

Of course none of this explains how Tom Coburn defunds American troops by expecting the Senate clerk to actually read aloud the legislation the body is about to vote on. You have to smoke several twigs of peyote or study the Congressional Budget Reconciliation Process and look hard for ways to blame Republicans to reach that benevolent state of enlightenment.

In other words, the thirty or so guys in the SASC, the thirty or so more place-holders in the SAC and the managers assigned to write the actual 2009 Defense Appropriation Act have no say in whether this behemoth gets voted on in FY 2009, CY2009 or AD 2010. Only Minority Senator Tom Coburn can make that happen.

It must have been hard for the Senator to hear that poor clerk read Senator Sanders’ sadistic waterboarding of the English language. That consonant humming sound of his pure awesomeness must have a soothing effect on his nerves. He should have made the clerk start back over at page one to make sure he understood all intricate details of what Senator Sanders’ amendment really entailed.

For certainly, Senator Reid couldn’t possibly schedule a vote on the already written Defense Appropriations Act while the will-o-the-whisp of a partially written health care bill hasn’t been signed into law yet. He may have needed the other weekend off to go fund raise for his next election, but spending it on and up-or-down vote on the 2009 Defense Appropriations Act was totally out of the question.

Besides, whether some PFC from Reno eats a bullet can’t possibly compare to the importance of keeping Senator Reid ensconced in the US Senate. If Senator Coburn loved the troops as much as he loves the Neo-Con wars of dominion, he’d understand the important guy Senator Reid truly is.

Can you imagine America without Senator Harry Reid? Can you imagine America with Senator Reid? If you can calculate the delta between these two states of reality you are a smarter numbers guy than moi. The man is a nullity. What Drunkard Laureate Charles Buckowski may have referred to as a piss-biting shrew. Weasels at least fill an ecological niche.

The Democrats have gotten so unhinged over passing this healthcare bill (again, whatever it is for the next 10 minutes) that they’ve taken their eye off the ball. They claim they will follow Osama Bin Ladin to the Gates of Hell, but they won’t even fund our troops to pay a visit to the cave he currently hides in. (HT: Barack Obama).

Oh, that’s right. They can’t fund those troops. A senator from Oklahoma, in the minority party, with no control over the Senate Calendar whatsoever, is single-handedly defunding our brave men in women in harm’s way. I can imagine Tom Coburn getting an earful of this and channeling Bones McCoy from those old, cheesy Star Trek Episodes. “Dammit Jim, I’m just a country doctor!” Which is probably why he grasps so intuitively what a colossally disastrous healthcare bill it is that the Senate is attempting to pass.

The farce will be with our men and women in the Senate. Not so much with those brave soldiers we’ve sent to Afghanistan to clean up after the reality that Harry Reid and his Maundering Morons spend so much of their day assiduously avoiding. I hope you’ve sent at least some of our brave paladins in harm’s way a Christmas Card or two along with a prayer. That’s more than our fine and outstanding soldiers will be getting this year from the piss-biting shrews who so dolefully mismanage the US Senate.