Diary

Debate One-liners for Sarah Palin

Here are some things I’d like to hear Governor Palin say during the debate, and if others have better ones, I’d love to hear them.

Obviously, some of these are just fun to imagine and would probably cause more trouble than they’re worth. But we can dream, can’t we?

ON THE ECONOMY

“The economy is as likely to grow when you raise taxes as hair plugs are likely to grow on a senator’s scalp. Let me put this baldly: we need more than cosmetic solutions to our nation’s economic problems.”

“Senator McCain and I believe that there’s more to writing a fair tax code than simply plagiarizing Karl Marx. What is your position, Senator, on either Karl Marx or plagiarizing?”

“Senators Obama and Biden love to talk about the middle class. Well let me tell you, I AM the middle class. I know the middle class, and Senator, the middle class wants none of what you’re selling.”

ON NATIONAL SECURITY

“I can stand here tonight before the American people and promise them that I will do everything in my power to defend from terrorists and rogue states both our allies overseas and every man, woman, and child in each of the 50, 57 (however many there are) states of the union.”

“Do governors like myself, Bill Clinton or Ronald Reagan really have a great deal of previous experience in such matters? To be perfectly honest, no. But unlike Senator Biden, I have the privilege of running for VP on a ticket witha man who I have NEVER, EVER said is not qualified to be Commander in Chief.”

“In last week’s debate, Senator Obama said that “no one is talking about losing in Iraq.” That was very interesting. Has anyone, anywhere, even once heard Obama say “win” and “Iraq” in the same sentence? How can he lead a war when he is not thinking about either losing or winning it?”

ON RELIGION

“I don’t believe that my personal religious background is any more appropriate as a topic for discussion than the fact, according to Obama’s school documents, that he used to be considered a Muslim. These are private matters, irrelevant to our campaigns, and Obama and I should simply not be asked about them. (this one will really drive them nuts).”

*ON TROOPERGATE/BOOK-BANNING/ETC *

“I’m happy to address these matters. But before I do, Ms. Ifell, I’d like to point out that I find it interesting that I’m repeatedly asked about these things while Barack Obama, a candidate for the highest office in our country, is almost never asked about and has never given believable explanations of his shady Chicago real estate deals, his funneling of public money to questionable causes, and his many troubling associations with known felons and anti-American radicals. Why do you suppose that is, Ms. Ifell?”

GENERAL PURPOSE

“Is this the part of the evening when we show off our bracelets?”

“Lipstick on a pig? Pardon me. I thought you said dipstick with a wig.”