Romney Rolls: PCW Manchester (NH) Madness Report

PCW Manchester Madness Report
The Verizon
Manchester, NH
Tuesday January 10th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

An overflow crowd booed PCW Security as they searched high and low for any sign of PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas.

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

Suave recaps PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) attempt to lay down the law to Valora last Thursday night on PCW Politics is War.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) walked out and arbitrarily declared Kathryn Randall Collins (D) the winner of Iowa match and threatened to strip Valora of Women’s Title if she doesn’t accept a title match with KRC.

And then the end of the show after the Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) match…

Post match, PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas ran out and hit a sick missile dropkick to New Age Sensitive Guy. The Big Union forces chased after her as the show ended.

Suave also discussed the tournament to determine the #1 Contender for the PCW Television Title. Tonight, it’s New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) vs. former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (D) for the #1 Contender’s slot. The winner gets a shot at TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).

PCW Security Forces continue to scour the arena for Valora.

PBR (I) vs. Ken Worth-The American Trucker (I)

Worth, a former PCW Television Champion, nearly had the match won when he hit the Jake Brake on PBR. But PBR turned it around and got his first win in PCW with the Blue Ribbon Bash- PBR grabs a beer can and bashes Worth in the face with it, to get the pin.

PBR chugs a can of Pabst’s Blue Ribbon down after the match with Worth. The American Trucker surprises everyone by announcing he’s becoming PBR’s manager and changing his name to Chief.

Colorado Hottie Alert
Teenager Sydney Spies and her mother Miki show up in the ring to complain that her racy senior picture was rejected by Spies’s school’s yearbook committee.


Spies: “I want to be a model. I’m a dancer, and I feel like administration isn’t allowing me to show that.”

She then takes off her overcoat.

Miki Spies, mother of Durango High School senior Sydney Spies, provided this photo of Sydney Spies taken by Thru the Lens Photography. The photo was rejected by student editors of the Durango High School yearbook for use as Sydney Spies senior portrait.

Miki Spies: “When your child is spreading her wings, you just want to come alongside and support them. That’s what I’m doing as a mother.”

Johnny Suave: “Those pictures may not be appropriate for a school yearbook; but Sydney could have a promising career in pro wrestling! She is 18 right?”

Sydney: “But I want to be a model…a dancer.”

Suave: “As I said, you could make it in pro wrestling. You could be the next Daisy Cutter-Bomb!”

Daisy Cutter-Bomb (R)

Several members of the PCW Security Force lay unconscious in the hallway. Suave immediately suspects Valora Salinas is responsible. So does Democrats Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). They take off to discuss the situation with PCW CEO Barack Obama.

Tanaka Enters the Building
Former 3 Time PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)…

Former Three Time PCW Champion
Yamamoto Tanaka (Free Agent)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

…enters the building. Suave notes that he has been offered a substanial amount of money by Super PAC’s representing both the Republicans and the Democrats.

Suave: “Who will he choose? We may find out tonight.”

Next, an exclusive sneak peek of the upcoming novel- Jesusland vs. Progressiveville follows:

Stacey started for the door. “Whatever. If we’re done here, Kate and I really have to be at the Kennedy Center in just two hours-”

(sings to the tune of “One More Day” from the musical Les Miserables):
“In just two hours
A hundred twenty-minutes away.”

Stacey thumbed through a manuscript of Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- “All right, just when the hell did this turn into a musical?”

“On the Rock Creek and Potomac Parkway
The forces of the left and right
Will gather on the road tonight
In just two hours.”

Darius took Stacey by the hand and turned her away from the door- just off to the left of Valkilmer.

“I wish you’d come with us tonight
I wish you’d be with me forever.”

“In just two hours “

“Though you don’t strip or model lingerie
I hope with me you will endeavor.”

Kate walked over to the right of Valkilmer.

“In two hours, he’ll be away.”

“If we make it through the night.”

“In two hours, I’ll be with her.”

“We should sit and talk awhile.”

“But I don’t know what I can say.”

“And plan the future, you and me.”

“That’ll change her love to me.”

Enriques stepped out and thrust his fist into the air.

“Two more hours until the march!”

“Should I go with her instead?”

“We’ll stop the extremists on the roadway!”

“Should I watch her at the show?”

“As the people come and join.”

“Should I stay or should I go?”

“Our demonstration to be free”

“It’s time, to go
Two hours, the show!”

“Two more hours!”

“If you trespass on the park grounds
You’ll be arrested on the spot
You’ll be hauled down to the station
And you will wet yourselves a lot.”

“Two more hours!”

“Why were we brought here?
We really do not know
We were walking to the Kennedy
To see the show…
We run a Motel 6
Across the river so
Can we wrap this up
So we can go.”

More people stream into Stacy’s house and line up behind the others.

“Two more hours til things start changing!”

“Who let these others in the house?”

“Two more hours to make a stand.”

“They weren’t here a minute ago.”

“We will stop them at the Kennedy.”

“I hope my landlord doesn’t show.”

We will make them understand.”

“I pledge- to you
I’ll be back- real soon.”


(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: When this is over, we will leave.
KATE: Two more hours, she’ll be with me.
JAVIER: I will watch the ground this evening- I will watch for things amiss.

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: Take a trip, far, far away.
JAVIER: If they trepass on park property- I will be extremely pissed.


(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: We’ll be a hundred miles from here
KATE: But she doesn’t love me like him
JAVIER: If you trespass on the park grounds- you’ll be arrested on the spot
THENARDS: Why were we brought here?-we really do not know

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: At a cottage we will stay
JAVIER: You’ll be hauled down to the station
THENARDS: We were walking to the Kennedy

“Two hours is the chosen time- where we will put it on the line.”

“In just two hours from now we’ll find out just where our story’s going to go.
At sunset
In two hours

As the chorus wound down with a glorious crescendo, Kilmer Valkilmer’s face turned blue holding the very last note and dropped to the floor.

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is coming soon to an online bookstore near you.BACKSTAGE
PBR and Chief chug a can of Pabst’s Blue Ribbon. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)…

Big Oil
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323
HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas TexKirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit
HT: 6-2 WT: 220
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge

…walk by. Big Oil bumped into Chief and caused him to lose his beer. Big Oil laughs and heads to the ring.

In the ring, Big Oil again crows about the slowly rising gas prices. With Walstreit nodding with approval, Big Oil says the American people are nothing more than sheep who can’t live without their car.

Big Oil: “The more you pathetic people drive because you’re too lazy to walk a block to the store; the richer you make me.”

The crowd boos and lobs debris into the ring until they see PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas hit the ring. She oulls out a taser and Big Oil doesn’t see her until it’s too late. He gets zapped by the taser and falls like a tree to the mat.

Walstreit, realizing that he was in immiment danger, tried to get out but PBR and Chief ran in and blocked his exit. PBR blasted him in the face with a beer can and then Chief threw him to Valora. She in turn tasered him and left him in a puddle in the ring.

PBR tossed Valora a beer and the three shared a drink before PCW Security ran down and chased the Women’s champion off.


PCW Champion Daniel-San and Mrs. Miyagi shared a quick word with…

Jamie Chung & Juliette Lewis

…in the background, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) keep a close eye on Daniel-San.

New Hampshire Primary Match
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX
Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman and the Huntsman Girls (R-UT)

Richardson and Texas Jack go after Kevin Scott from the get go. Things get even more wild when Schmidt drags Richardson from the ring and beats the holy hell out of him.Walker has a good outing and ends up finishing third.

Scott shakes off the early double team and takes over the match. He gets the pin on Jim Schmidt and takes the NH Primary match for Mitt Romney.

Romney and Scott stand together in the ring and celebrate their win. Then Yamamoto Tanaka walks to the ring. Suave wonders what side he’s chosen. Tanaka makes it clear seconds later when he choke slams Scott to the canvas.

Then Occupy Wall Street…

-Nate, HOME: Minneapolis, MN
-Shane, HOME: Newark, NJ
-Adam, HOME: New York City, NY

…hit the ring and attack Romney. The OWS drive Romney to the ground and start kicking him. This brings Chris Christie (R-NJ) and his Jersey Boys: Frankie and Vinnie to the ring and a full scale brawl breaks out to end the show.