PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Peoria Civic Center
Thursday December 1st, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Jerome Simpson (Cincinnati Bengals)
Scott Fujita (Cleveland Browns)
First one knocked off his feet loses the match.
WINNER: Scott Fujita @ :09
New York Time’s columnist David Brooks cuts a promo on the Huntsman Girls and criticizes their new video (see hour 1). After admitting that he was a ’19 century guy’, Brooks had this to say…
Brooks: “Unless you’re as cool as Justin Timberlake, don’t do Justin Timberlake. It’s why the Mormon Tabernacle Choir does not do Kanye West, and so, I like dignity in daughters. And so, I never like these moments.”
Afterwards, all three Huntsman girls came out and knocked Brooks silly all the way back into the 19th century.
Daily Caller-”Brooks to Huntsman girls: ‘Unless you’re as cool as Justin Timberlake, don’t do Justin Timberlake’”
Herman Cain (R-GA) goes into a room to discuss the future of his run for PCW CEO with his wife.
Suave: “The scuttlebutt is that the ongoing rumors about his possible affairs combined with the injury that Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) suffered at Oakland University during a Republican gauntlet match three weeks ago may push Cain out of the race. Stay tuned.
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell (I) w/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido
Bahama gets the pin with the help of Big Union. Midway through the match, Democrats ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, Union Maid, and the California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty came out with ‘the permission of the National Labor Relations Board’ and ambushed Blackwell in the ring.
WINNER: O’Beck Bahama @ 7:49
COMMERCIAL BREAK: in less than three weeks, PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV. Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah vs. Soccer Mom (D)
Soccer Mom shouts out “It’s for the children” everytime she hits a move. Martin, who’s featured in the upcoming book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville with Rah, hits the Pizza Cutter on her for the good of everyone in the building.
WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ 5:55
Herman Cain walks out after the match and announces he suspending his campaign for PCW CEO. He repeatedly called the allegations made against him of misconduct “false and untrue” and added that “the media spin hurts.”
Suave adds that Josh Jackson will be out six months due to a rotator cuff injury.
Case Keenum, University of Houston Quarterback (Non-BCS) vs. Southern Mississippi Quarterback Austin Davis (Non-BCS)
Can Davis stop Keenum’s drive towards a huge BCS payday for the University of Houston Cougars? Yes, thanks to Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Corporate Might, joined by ESPN analysts Craig James, Mark May, Chris Fowler, and Rece Davis, attack Keenum during the match and allow Davis to get the easy pin.
WINNER: Austin Davis of S. Mississippi and the BCS who gets to keep a non-BCS conference team out of the BCS bowl system @ 8:20
Kourtney Kardashian announces she’s pregnant.
Suave: “The good news is that the baby isn’t Justin Bieber’s.”
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I) vs.
The Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
McGill and Kovalevski are attacked mid-match by PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim.
The Mercenaries chase Chism towards the back where he is viciously clotheslined by a waiting PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (D). Valora, extremely pissed off by Chism’s attack on her in hour 1, uses an iron skillet and a cheese grater to leave Chism in a bloody heap in the aisle.
WINNER: No Contest @ 12:26
In the ring, Kim gets ‘Eskimo Pie-Faced’ by Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen and is laid out face down as the show ends.