Terrorists NOT a threat to National Security... FAT People are!

In the beginning, every time Michelle Obama opened her mouth in public her words became the source of irritation, humor and even insult to many. From her sharing with the world during the earliest of days that her children would not snuggle in the bed with their father in the morning because Barack was “stinky” to the announcement that it was the potential of having Americans elect her husband as president (and not the many acts of bravery and humanitarianism of our people) that inspired the first moment of pride for her of her country. She tells us, …”life is not good, we’re a divided country. We are “cynical”, we have “a hole in our souls”, “our souls are broken… broken,” and we have lost our way, and she defines America as a place where people prefer to “hold on to their ignorance” and feel “justified” in our ignorance because we find it “comfortable”. We are a country “guided by fear” and “just downright mean”… and now, our glorious first lady is telling us we are fat… and she is going to do something about it (whether you like it or not) and she is going to start with our children because, apparently, we aren’t as capable to care for our own children as she is. And, how to start?… Why… throw her daughter out on stage for public scrutiny, of course.

During the 2008 campaign for the presidency, then candidate Barack Obama was aware that Malia was “a little chubby” But, “In my eyes I thought my children were perfect,” Michelle said. “I didn’t see the changes.” That is, until she was told by a pediatrician (someone outside of the family) that “something was getting off balance” with her daughters. For someone who has spent the majority of her time in the public arena demeaning and criticising her entire country and its people for not being (in her eyes) “perfect”, I can only imagine her horror when (having been lauded herself for having “perfect” arms and being married to a man whom the rest of the world sees as, albeit frighteningly, skinny), someone else would say her kids were not as “perfect” as they are. So, to remedy this personal embarrassment, Michelle Obama has taken it upon herself to wage war against what she sees as a threat to our national security… fat kids.

She begins by taking a very public shopping trip to a nearby farmer’s market. Of course, there was a little prep-work to go buy that over-priced “certified” organic Kale:

The Secret Service and the D.C. police brought in three dozen vehicles and shut down H Street, Vermont Avenue, two lanes of I Street and an entrance to the McPherson Square Metro station. They swept the area, in front of the Department of Veterans Affairs, with bomb-sniffing dogs and installed magnetometers in the middle of the street, put up barricades to keep pedestrians out, and took positions with binoculars atop trucks. Though the produce stand was only a block or so from the White House, the first lady hopped into her armored limousine and pulled into the market amid the wail of sirens.

Then came the planting of an organic vegetable garden at the White House, which was highlighted on the popular Food Network program, “Iron Chef America”, where the days challenge was to prepare foods with items grown in Michelle’s garden… Well, not really. The January 3 episode of “Iron Chef America, which featured the phenomenal team of Mario Batali competing against White House Chef, Cristeta Comerford who was teamed with Bobby Flay. The much hyped program drew 7.6 million viewers, the highest-rated show in network history. Each team was charged with the preparation five dishes using the event’s ever popular “secret ingredient”… “produce from the White House garden.” 

 “At the beginning of the two-hour special, the chefs were shown picking sweet potatoes, broccoli, fennel and tomatillos from the White House garden. Then the chefs were seen walking into Kitchen Stadium, produce in hand. One problem: The show is filmed in New York City.”

Even more interesting, Except for the honey, no food on the show came from the White House.
The produce used were a collection of “stunt doubles”… because the vegetables from Michelle’s garden were found to be contaminated with sewage sludge and the soil was contaminated with “highly elevated levels of lead”. But, not to worry, the vegetables picked (and deemed not safe enough to feed to the Iron Chef Judges) were donated to a local food kitchen to feed the poor so nothing went to waste. Of course, White House Chef, Cristeta Comerford and Bobby Flay won… How gracious of Mario to throw the game for the benefit of Michelle and her cook.  Then again, we who watch the show regularly and are far to familiar with the culinary skills of Mario Bateli to be suspicious of the “win”… are just being “cynical”.

So now, in the interest of National Security Michelle has launched her campaign against fat kids and calls it “Let’s Move”.

“A recent study put the health care cost of obesity-related diseases at $147 billion a year,” Mrs. Obama said. “This epidemic also impacts the nation’s security, as obesity is now one of the most common disqualifiers for military service.”

In other words, fat little boys and girls grow up to be fat women and men who will be rejected from serving our country… yeah… and that’s bad… Can’t fight off terrorists if we are fat… No sir-ree. But maybe Michelle would do well to do a little research on the leading reasons for rejection for military service… According to what I’ve read, Cardiovascular defects are among the leading causes for rejection of Selective Service registrants. Among men in the rejected classes, they are the fourth group in order of importance, exceeded only by mental disease, mental deficiency, and musculoskeletal defects.  But I guess Ms. Obama lumps all of that into “well, if you’re not mentally unstable you wouldn’t BE fat and therefore, suffering from cardiovascular disorders.

She has a lot of goals in mind. goals she says we will accomplish “in a generation”. And, of course, (like those of her husband) these goals cost money. One goal Michelle has (at an estimated cost of $400 million more dollars a year) is to eliminate “food deserts” from our daily menu and begin the “Healthy Food Financing Initiative,” which will bring grocery stores to low-income neighborhoods and force “help” places like convenience stores carry healthier food. In other words, your local 7-ll will no longer carry Krispy-Kreme donuts and quickie burittos and chupulas on those rolling weenie-grills but will replaced instead with baskets of “certified organic Kale”, which should go over quite well with the budgets of low-income neighborhoods and the increasingly high numbers of unemployed in our nation.

“Our kids did not do this to themselves,” Obama said. “Our kids don’t decide what’s served to them at school or whether there’s time for gym classes or recess. Our kids don’t choose to make food products with tons of sugar and sodium in super-sized portions, and then to have those products marketed to them everywhere they turn.”

No, and soon, neither will we. Michelle will make our dietary choices for us… parents and our children alike.

Another plan for Michelle (adding yet another billion dollars a year for the next ten years to our national debt) is overhauling federal laws and guidelines to “update” the Childhood Nutrition Act, which feeds 31 million children at school and would add funding to feed even more children. There will be new efforts to force get manufacturers to add (at their expense) “family friendly front-of-package labeling” that discloses the product’s nutritional value and a broad coalition of groups interested in children’s health (can you say, ACORN) are coming together to form the Partnership for a Healthier America, which will use professional athletes, members of the media, and state and local dignitaries (likely chosen by her for what they look like) to promote her “Let’s Move” campaign and its goals around the country.

“And no matter how much they beg for pizza, fries and candy, ultimately, they are not, and should not, be the ones calling the shots at dinnertime,” 

She will start a initiative to make our kids play outside rather than sit in front of the TV or a computer… and NO MORE FAST FOOD FOR YOU!.

Obama said before she lived in the White House she struggled to balance the demands of working and being a mother, and occasionally fed her two daughters fast food or “less healthy microwavable options” 

Sooo, now that she DOES live in the White House, those of us who aren’t privileged enough to have a cook to prepare healthier meals for us she wants us to stop feeding our kids the meals she fed to her kids when she (like us) didn’t have the time to cook. And if you think Michelle only has visions of controlling what our kids eat… think again. She’s talking to everyone. Democrats Liberals Progressives(socialists/marxists/communists ) have always believed that the rest of us were too stupid to make our own decisions. The Green Police and the Speech Police and the Healthcare Police will soon be joined by the Food Police to force (sorry) teach us let go of the “ignorance” to which we have felt justified in holding in order to comfort ourselves. Michelle and her elitists “broad coalition of groups” will force (damn) “help” us heal the “hole in our souls”. Through her, we who have “lost our way” will be lead to a more “perfect” world, where we will no longer be “cynical” or “just downright mean”. Where the election of her husband was “the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal”, it will be the divine gift of Michelle to heal the “broken souls” of the people and bring us poor saps up to a standard by which she will, “for the second time in her adult life”, be proud of us again.