Diary

Obama Getting on the Job Training

I was reading an article on World Threats about President-Elect Barack Obama impressing the intelligence community due to him being a ‘quick study’ and interested in topics at hand. This got me interested in how the reports come out.

From: Langley, VA
To: Quantico, VA
DECLASSIFIED

Intelligence Briefing– December 21, 2008
President-Elect Obama

The first briefing of the day was about the situation in the Middle East. After a two-hour lecture on the status of the Shi’ite-Sunni fracture points, Mr. Obama clearly stated: “I heard of Iraq– that’s where the Arabs live.”

After this briefing was a slideshow on the status of oil exports in the near future. The intelligence presented was in clear opposition to the President-Elect’s five-year-plan to run cars on “hope.”

The final presentation on Iran’s nuclear program was cut short as the President-Elect demanded chicken noodle soup and for his grilled cheese sandwich to be cut diagonally, not horizontally. “I, uh, want my soup to be, uh, Campbells!” he was reported to have shrieked.

Next week Mr. Obama will be administered a sixth-grade geography tests. Real progress has been made, as now he identifies Russia by its name and not as “the big purple place.” In addition, he can now name three countries in Europe.

While these incidences may seem poor for a Senator-to-President, they lag compared to past events. For example, when President Bush ordered strikes on “Islamstan.” Another example is when President Carter demanded that the United States not support the Shah of Iran because he was “ugly.”

At least five more years of these briefings will be required before President Obama achieves high-school level competency in basic geography and recent world history. And, no, to answer his question, he doesn’t get points for being popular.

originally posted at Jumping in Pools.