‘Notice to All Employees’
Subject: Effective November 5th
Notice to All Employees As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected intooffice, our company will install a few new policies which are in keepingwith his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness: 1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a commonpool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve togive those of you who are underachieving a fair shake. 2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime,into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will helpthose who are too busy for overtime to reap the rewards from those who havemore spare time and can work extra hours. 3. All top management will now be referred to as the government. We will notparticipate in this pooling experience because the law doesn’t apply to us. 4. The government will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week,encouraging it’s workers to continue to work hard for the good of all. 5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it’s goodto spread the wealth. Those of you who have underachieved will finally getan opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feelmore patriotic. 6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don’tfeel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare,free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free foodstamps, and he’lllet you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can’t pay yourmortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might evenget a free flatscreen TV and a coupon for free haircuts. (Shouldn’t allAmericans be entitled to nice looking hair?) 7. If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may wantto rethink your vote on November 4th.