Weapon-Wielding Student Thwarted by Perceptive Faculty

A Christina School District student in Newark, Delaware was apprehended today before he was able to turn his weapon on his fellow students. The quick-acting faculty of his school noticed right away when he pulled out his dangerous weapon in the school lunchroom. They immediately confiscated the weapon and proceeded to properly discipline the miscreant.

Zachary obtained his weapon as a member of a sinister paramilitary hate group, as will soon be determined by our nation’s Attorney General. The student had also been training in a dangerous form of hand-to-hand combat techniques which would likely have made him difficult to stop in his devious plan to take over his school.

School officials were quick to mete out his just punishment. He was immediately suspended from school and will spend 45 days in the district’s re-education camp where his instructors will help him unlearn his violent ways. The school district, in a statement, said rules are rules and defended its decision to suspend the boy.

We don’t have the capacity to interpret the rules handed down to us from on high. Our only course of action was to follow the letter of the rule, unable to even consider the circumstances of the incident.

For the actual story, go here. Aren’t you glad these folks are teaching your children?

Crossposted at Night Twister