Diary

Keith Olbermann's answering machine.

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He’s been busy and sometimes those messages get a little backed up on the machine.

(a blinking red digital number ten)

A robotic female voices drones out You have..TEN new messages.

Messageone. Hey Keith…it’s Al. Uh listen, we had a problem with your check. Give me a call ASAP…Beep!

Messagetwo. Keefy dog…it’s the Shuster man. How ya’ doin’ pal…? Hey…aahh… did you see Al today?  Did he get my e-mail because ah..oh well…never mind. Call me OK ? I’m always around...Beep!

Messagethree. Mr.Olbermann Sir, this is Roger the set manager. We got that larger mirror like you asked for and I’m real sorry about that. And don’t worry Sir…Hector has been fired….Beep!

Message four. Keith Ol’ buddy it’s Ed.. ahem…ah…Schultz. I’m getting ready to torch this friggin place. Give me a call...Beep!

Message five. Mr. Olbermann Sir… this is Walter from garage security Sir.  We’ve been getting a lot of complaints about cars being…..keyed….aahhh…. next to yours. Could you return my call please ?…Beep!

Message six. Hey Olbermann.This is Morgan from down the hall. 15- c.  I think you might have “accidentally” picked up my Wall Street Journal this morning…again….Beep!

Message seven. Hello…yeah.  This is Vinnie from Sensations video. This message is for a  (groan)...Mr.Uberlong. Your DVD order came in. It comes to $132.50…Thanks….Beep!

Message eight. Mr. Olbermann…Aahh.. hi… this is Ralph from down at the hangar.  Ahhh Sir I just got off the phone with Mr. Gore and he said he never said you could take  his jet for the weekend.  Sorry. Try commercial...Beep!

Message nine. Keith…This is Rachel. Hey listen…last week when you borrowed that book from my office…well..aahh..I can’t seem to find that  bag of weed I just bought.  Did you happen to see it…?…Beep!

Message ten. Yo’ Keith. Phil Griffin.   Listen….I know that it’s you leaving those messages on my voice mail.  Just for the record…your spanish accent sucks. OK Julio…?Cut the crap…Beep!