As you all may well know by now,the left doesn’t really like Sarah Palin.
I have a few suggestion to help her change her image.
- 1.Cut your hair.
All the political heroines of the left all have short hair.Hillary,Janet Napolitano,Janet Reno,Nancy Pelosi,Dianne Feinstein,Cindy Sheehan,Katie Couric….etc.
You get the drift.
If you want to be accepted you need to butch it up a little bit.The sexy beauty queen thing ain’t working.
- 2.Accept some illegal campaign donations
Who are you…?Little Miss Goody two shoes?They’ll never trust you unless they got a little dirt on you.Try some chinese foreign national bundling or maybe turning off the security features on your website.It’ll work wonders and soon you will be swimming in buckets of untraceable cash just like the good Lord intended.
- 3.Turn on your own party every now and then.
You could achieve “Maverick status”.Start using words and phrases like “bi-partisan” and “reaching across the aisle”(my favorite) and “coming together”.The media loves a traitor.It doesn’t matter who you screw over.The troops,the President,(Republicans only)your constituents or your party.It’s all good.Trust me on this.Just do it and you will be the darling of every talk show there is.
4.For the love of God stop worrying about the taxpayers.
They don’t own you.You owe them nothing.
They are only there to serve as your personal piggy bank so you can bribe the voters into voting for you next election.Pork it up.Build that bridge to somewhere!A billion dollars is like a quarter nowadays.What are you saving it for?
- Billions are out.Trillions are in.Let’s not hear any more of that “returning the money to the taxpayers” silliness…OK?
5.Enough already with the perfect marriage crap.
Who are you…?June Cleaver? No one is that pure.
Todd needs to get out there and get busy sister.You know what I’m saying?A little something on the side.A mistress,a hooker, a teenage boy.All will do just fine.Don’t forget.Victimhood is the greatest enabler.Everybody loves grace under pressure.You can wear your shame like a badge of honor.Look what it did for Hillary.The woman’s a saint.
6.Tell a few whoppers once in a while.
It makes you more human.Deny you know somebody controversial.Say you “were under sniper fire”.Talk about all those Home Depots that you visit back home.Fluff up your resume.A good one is when you talk about how an anonymous voter who came to you begging for some relief in their small pathetic life.Don’t worry.No one ever checks.
A sure fire winner is to claim you are a war hero.Lefties love war heroes.
7.Would it kill you to gain a couple of pounds…?
Cankles baby. It’s all about the cankles.
8.A little corruption goes a long way baby.
Some shady land deals.A few suspicious mortgages.Steering money towards your husbands defense company.Maybe a convicted felon helping you to buy some property or maybe some cattle futures.
That’s how the power players do it.Politics is dirty business kid.If you aren’t ready to accept that that’s how it’s done then maybe you should stay home and mind the igloo.
9.Let one of your kids get caught drunk and high on drugs.
Then you call it a “private family affair”.The media will be beating down your door trying to share your pain with the world.If you pull it off right you could rise to Kennedy stature.He’s the lion of the Senate you know.
10.Never ever go on Fox News.
They are the enemy.The network of Timothy McVeigh.Only gun totin’ survivalists,rabid right wingers and the Monopoly guy watch Fox News.No self respecting media celebrity would be caught dead there.
They would only try to embarrass you by actually asking you tough questions.
Look kid.It’s a leftie thing.I don’t understand it either but apparently Fox News is the playground of Satan.The other networks may try to ambush you but at least when they do it it’s called journalism.
I hope this helps you in some small way.