A man was working on his lawnmower one hot, humid, day, while his children played in the yard with his parents. Since it was such a hot, humid, day his wife thought the family would like a cool drink, so she made a couple pitchers of lemonade and brought it out to her family. As they drank the refreshing glasses of lemonade, the man remarked that he had a headache that he couldn’t get rid of.
Two minutes later, while the children were still finishing their drinks, the man passed out and was completely unresponsive. His wife called 911 for an ambulance as his parents gathered up his kids to go to the hospital and to call the man’s two brothers to inform them of what was going on.
Later that evening, the woman was met by Doctor Wilton.
“Mrs. Doe”, the doctor started, “your husband has some form of head injury. I’ve applied a band-aid to his forehead which should do the trick in a day or so.”
“Shouldn’t you do an MRI or something to determine the cause?” she asked.
“Ma’am, I’m a doctor, and it’s really best if you just let me handle things”.
A few days had passed, and the man showed no signs of improvement. When Dr. Wilton checked in on his patient, he was alarmed that the man had not improved.
“Ma’am”, he started, “if it’s alright with you, I’d like to consult more Doctors on this.”
“OK, that sounds good” she replied, relieved that the Doctor was at least doing something.
An hour later, Dr. Wilton returned with Doctors Carson, Rose, and Kendal. Doctor Carson made his diagnosis and proclaimed that the patient hadn’t woken up because he was depressed that he was still wearing the same band-aid, and suggested they apply a new band-aid to get the man out of his malaise. Doctor Rose stated that the problem was that the band-aid wasn’t large enough, and that there should be two band-aids on the man’s forehead, and one band-aid on the wife’s forehead as well, since everyone should have a band-aid. Doctor Kendal, in between sips of his martini, stated that the current band-aid wasn’t inclusive enough, and that a blue band-aid should be used instead of the regular peach colored one.
Soon, the man, still wearing the original band-aid, had 4 new band-aids on his head.
A few days later, the man still had not woken up. Doctors Wilton, Rose, Carson, and Kendal remarked that more doctors were clearly necessary, and went to fetch their colleagues. While they were gone, a nurse whispered to the woman that perhaps she should have Dr. Ron Gold take a look at him. She agreed, and Dr. Gold saw the patient. He ordered an MRI, and made the discovery.
“Ma’am”, he started, “your husband has a brain tumor and we need to operate immediately to remove it. Your husband should then wake up, and will have a recovery time of 6 to 8 weeks.”
Dr. Gold has no sooner finished talking when Doctors Wilton, Rose, Carson, and Kendal returned with 10 additional doctors.
Doctor Kendal was so enraged, he dropped his after-lunch brandy and yelled “Dr. Gold is out of touch! Don’t listen to this man! He wants to take away your band-aids, and you have a right to those band-aids!”. Doctor Carson argued that surgery was out of the question, as it would take far too many band-aids to close the incision necessary. When Dr. Gold tried to explain the concept of stitches, and how it was necessary to remove the tumor, a new Doctor, Doctor Barn, claimed that there wasn’t a tumor in the man’s head, and that the problem was that one of the band-aids looked like it had been removed and needed to be replaced. He then asked Dr. Gold why we hated the patient and wanted to see him harmed in a surgery. Another Doctor asked why Dr. Gold wanted to undo the progress they had made in treating the patient. Finally, one of the new Doctors, Doctor Baramba, exclaimed that the problem was that the woman didn’t have enough hope for her husband, and if she’d just have some hope, and allowed him to change the band-aids into much larger band-aids, that her husband would not only recover but would play Quarterback in the NFL upon his recovery. When the woman told Dr. Baramba that her husband never played football before in his life, Dr. Jacks lamented how unfair it was that her husband never played football.
The woman had heard enough, and wanted Dr. Gold to operate. Before she could finish her sentence, one of the new Doctors interrupted her and told her that they would decide what to do with the patient, and that she should go wait in the waiting room while they decided what to do about the unconscious man. After all, he said, they were the doctors and the trained professionals, and how could she, a middle class – no, a “common” woman like her know what was best for her husband?
The woman sit in the waiting room for a few hours. Finally, she was frustrated and went to check on her husband. To her dismay, she could barely recognize her husband – his entire head was covered with band-aids: red ones, blue ones, green ones, large ones and small ones, covering his entire face in band-aids 3 inches deep save for a small opening for his mouth and his nose.
A week later, the man died.
The autopsy report of the man showed that he died from a malignant, yet operable, brain tumor. Doctor Wilton and his associates claimed the report was biased, and that in the future, even more band-aids should be used to prevent this from happening to anyone else – and that effective immediately, it was their suggestion that band-aids be pro-actively handed out to everyone to place on their foreheads.