I, For One, Support Banning Offensive Films

I, for one, support the banning that blasphemous film, “Innocence of the Muslims”.  While I’m at it, I got a lot more demands for more things to be banned from our degenerate, crumbling Republic:

  1. Any and all ads that try to make Obama’s conduct of our nation’s business abroad a legitimate political issue this election year.  We need to unite behind our President by ignoring all issues that happen outside the lower ‘48’ (or is it lower ‘55’?)
  2. All ads made by companies that make a profit by producing hydrocarbons within the 57 states for profit and making us less dependent on wind power, solar power and Middle East Oil.
  3. Any and all video recordings of Bill Buckner blowing it for Boston in the 10th inning of the 6th game of the 1986 World Series.
  4. All Abbott and Costello films made after 1948. (They were just phoning it in starting with “Africa Screams”)
  5. All porn movies that were not shot on film or Sony Betamax. There has been an appalling lack of production values since the move to VHS tapes and then HD digital.*
  6. Anything with Steven Segal in it.
  7. All video recordings of the Kennedy/Nixon Debate. We can keep the radio recordings. Nixon won when you listen to those.
  8. All those “Weekly World News” photos of Aliens shaking hands with politicians. It’s all fake. We are alone in the Universe.
  9. Senator Robert’s Byrd’s “White Nigger” interview with Tony Snow. Man was a Democrat and ipso facto, he is not racist.
  10. Star Wars Episodes I, II and III. The ‘Force’ is not a result of ‘Midi-chlorians’. I know this for a fact.
  11. Any and all remakes of “The Thing”.
  12. Jägermeister
  13. All things “Kardashian”. THIS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE
  14.  Charles Krauthammer. If people start listening to him, Obama is gonna lose.  This is a tautology.
  15. Rassmusen Reports polls.  They have Romney in the lead!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
  16. Neapolitan Ice Cream. It’s racist.
  17. Instapundit. That rat-bastard Glen Reynolds refuses to link to my brilliant, multiple 5 star reviewed novel “Scrambled Hard-Boiled” or my collection of short stories, “Cold Pulp Trio”. On sale for only 99 cents. You won’t regret buying it!
  18. Any reference to the bloodbath that occurs on a daily basis in Chicago. Don’t you poor fools know making America like Chicago IS THE GOAL?????????????????
  19. The Military Channel. My God, Allah, it will make the masses aware that the U.S. once was able to win wars.
  20. Finally, The Jews.

Feel free to add to my list in the comments below.

*I’ve been told this is true.