Reverend Al – like his brother in the White House – is the gift that keeps on giving. Sharpton said Friday that no matter how “black” Herman Cain is, his conservative views are “fundamentally at odds with the rest of the black community” — and white people only like him because he says what they want to hear. (Hey, Al -does that qualify Cain for “buck dancin’ Tom” status, as your pal, Zulu Shabazz refers to Barack Obama?)

During a masturbatory discussion with Karen Hunter, the professor who accused the Associated Press of racism for dropping the g’s in its reporting of a recent Obama speech to the Congressional Black Caucus,  Sharpton accused Cain of forgetting his roots:

“How could anyone (black) in their right mind – they grew up in the south and saw what they saw – and act like everyone that is unemployed and that is not rich did it to themselves? So I would assume he is either socially ignorant or playin’ games to get votes, that he couldn’t possibly have grown up and come to that conclusion unless he was one or the other.” 

Hunter weakly defended Cain, saying: “He’s not Clarence Thomas, he’s not Alan Keyes, (two black conservatives who are loathed by the “traditional”  black community), he’s not the stereotypical sellout who is pandering to white people. This man is married to a black woman, raising black kids and in his mind, is authentically black.”

(How hysterically hypocritical is it that a black person defends another black person – in part – by suggesting he would be a sellout if he were married to a white woman, yet if a white person criticizes a black man for being married to a white woman, the white critic is immediately called racist?)

But the Rev objected: “You ain’t got be Alan Keyes or Clarence Thomas to be wrong. To stand up and say that the n-word doesn’t bother me two days after he called it insensitive – to say that people are causin’ their own unemployment and therefore they ain’t rich is wrong.” 

In a final fit of exasperation, Sharpton burst into “Old Man River.” Seriously. “That’s what they walk away with: A guy singin’ and sayin’ what the right-wing wants to hear.”

So Reverend Al has spoken: Herman Cain is not an “authentic” black man. Excuse my skepticism of Al’s ability to judge black talent, but I have a longer memory than he does – particularly when it comes to the times in his checkered past when he has made a spectacular jackass out of himself.

Remember his histrionic support of Tawana Brawley? She had falsely accused six white men of raping her, only to have a grand jury determine that she not been raped – and that she herself had created the appearance of an attack; the New York prosecutor whom Brawley had accused as one of her assailants successfully sued Brawley and her three advisers – including Sharpton – for defamation.

And who can forget Sharpton’s last major outbreak of racist-foot-in-mouth disease when he rushed to North Carolina to parrot Chrystal Gale Mangum’s false claims that she had been raped by three members of the Duke University lacrosse team?  The court ultimately determined that Mangum – who worked as a stripper, dancer and “escort” – had lied. All charges were dropped and the players were declared innocent – with the NC Attorney General saying they were victims of a “tragic rush to accuse.” Oh, yeah; Mangum was charged with first-degree attempted murder last year for trying to stab her boyfriend. (No word on which black person Sharpton believes is theracist, and which one is the victim.)

It doesn’t appear that dude is a very good judge of (black) character, does it? So again, please forgive my skepticism. When Al Sharpton wonders whether Herman Cain is “authentically black,” I have to laugh out loud.

As for Al’s definition of “authentic blackism”  – Herman Cain has not falsely accused any white people (or people of any other color, I presume) of raping him. Herman Cain has not tried to stab anyone to death – let alone, a black lover. (as far as we know) Most importantly, Herman Cain does not believe that it is the fault of the government, Wall Street, greedy corporations, George Bush or rich white Republicans – that poor people are poor.

And – Herman Cain does believe that the success of white people, brown people, purple people and green people is only limited by their own minds and the level of commitment and hard work they choose to apply. Oh, yeah; he believes the same about black people, as well.

Damn. Reverend Al is right; by his definition, Herman Cain is not an “authentic” black! Who knew?

Herman Cain must be a buck dancin’ Tom, or an Oreo, then – right?