Diary

Obama Says Reelection Odds are 'Much Higher' than those of his Election in 2008

“WE REMAIN VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT OUR ABILITY TO WIN A CONTEST OF IDEAS IN 2012”

Captain Cocky’s world may be crumbing around him with a velocity that surprises even his most vociferous of detractors, but you gotta give Superdude props; he’s either so far over the edge in his narcissistic view of himself, or he’s the best poker player on the planet.

Case in point: At a campaign fundraiser last week, Obama told the adoring crowd he believes his chances of being reelected in 2012 are “much higher” than were his odds of winning the presidency in 2008. Seriously.

“Over the last couple of months there have been Democrats who voiced concerns and nervousness about, well, in this kind of economy, isn’t this just — aren’t these just huge headwinds in terms of your reelection?”  he said, “And I just have to remind people that, here’s one thing I know for certain: the odds of me being reelected are much higher than the odds of me being elected in the first place.” (Notice the “me” vs. “Joe and I.”)

“We remain very confident about our ability to win a contest of ideas in 2012, as long as we can get the message out.” One wonders if somewhere among Obama’s sycophants, a lone truth-teller exists who has the cojones to pull Captain Cocky aside and say, “Boss — that’s the problem; we are getting your message out — loud and clear, and guess what dude, that’s exactly the reason your poll numbers suck so bad; that’s the reason you’re going back to Chicago a year from January. Capiche?”

Anyway, back to the odds of Obama’s reelection: Like Captain Cocky, I too possess the ability to carefully analyze statistical data and determine the odds of virtually anything occurring — anywhere — at any given time. So I ran a few complicated calculations in an effort to put the odds of Obama’s 2012 reelection in proper perspective.

The odds of Barack Hussein Obama being reelected in 2012 are roughly the same as:

The European Union issuing a statement announcing that it is ” long past time” for member countries to “renounce our delusional pursuit of socialism” and embrace a “new, dynamic European constitution” which is based on the “heroic concept” of “American Exceptionalism.”

Al Gore denouncing man-made global warming as a hoax, donating to charity the untold millions he’s made as a result of his blatant exploitation of said hoax, and calling George Bush personally to tell him that, after rethinking the whole thing, he believes Bush won the 2000 election “fair and square.”

Chris Matthews abruptly resigning from MSNBC, joining the Tea Party, and having an image of Sarah Palin tatooed on his forehead, after which, he explains the whole thing to Keith Olbermann, who says “Awesome, dude!” and immediately follows suit.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad holding a news conference, at which he announces that as a result of a “very long talk” with Benjamin Netanyahu, “Bibi” has “finally convinced” him that Israel is “really not the Palestinians’ homeland after all” As a result, Ahmadinejad pledges his full support of the Israel as “the land of Abraham.” 

Bill Maher renouncing his racist rants as “nothing but a cry for acceptance by Evangelical Christians,” and announcing that he will be joining Pat Robertson as co-host of The 700 Club — until Roberson’s retirement, at which time he will host the show alone.

Union thug Richard Trumka resigning the presidency of the AFL-CEO saying he “just can’t handle the guilt anymore,” which is caused by the “unfair advantage held by union members” who “rob jobs from good, hardworking men and women everywhere,” simply because those “fine Americans” refuse to join unions. 

NPR and PBS announcing in a joint news conference that, “from this day forward,” they will not “take one more dime” from American taxpayers, chosing instead to “rely on the body of our work” and compete in “the market place of ideas and opinion.” 

Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and Malik Zulu Shabazz calling for “an end to race-baiting” and “unfair charges of discrimination” so that “our people will finally realize” that “white people don’t hate them” and that “equal opportunity does not guarantee equal results.”

Planned Parenthood issuing a press release, in which it states that it will no longer “murder unborn children,” and that moving forward, its goal is to become “the largest adoption agency in the world.”

Mexico announcing that, in an effort to demonstrate its gratitude for “the tremendous generosity of America,” it will immediately begin building an “unscalable” wall along the entire U.S. border, which will be jointly funded by oil revenues and “contributions from our friends in the drug cartels.”

As you can see, it appears that Barack Obama may be a bit too optimistic about his prospects for reelection, but hey — who else on the planet could behave with the same level of arrogant confidence that Captain Cocky has — in light of the utter failure of his disastrous presidency?