Allen West: America's First Black and Right VP

C-PAC means never having to say you’re sorry about Ron Paul. It means you’re so excited about strong leaders like Allen West, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Herman Cain, and John Bolton that Paul’s misguided followers don’t bother you. You realize his anklebiters are just immature thinkers, not that different from Americans still slobbering over Obama. But you’re not smug since you too are a secret groupie.

Your chosen stars actually are rocks: grounded, ungoofy men like Barbour, Bolton, Cain, Cheney, Daniels, Gingrich, Romney, Rumsfeld, and West. Younger warriors like Ryan and Rubio man the trenches, and you know America needs them there.

While prescient students also admire RedRock Republicans, most of their followers are what Rush Limbaugh calls “seasoned citizens,” experienced, common sense Americans who don’t vote for dangerous lightweights like Barack Obama.

In 2008, us parents and grandparents failed to convince wobbly voters not to choose an Ensign to do the Admiral’s job. Some were foolish enough to try to persuade a few good Liberals. You might as well ask a cowboy to ride a fish.

But as Divine Providence would have it, Obama’s election produced silver linings to outshine all but the darkest clouds. Enraged by his destructive policies, America’s Conserve-It-or-Else Team burst into action, urging citizens to elect more sensible, faithful representatives. Last November, in overwhelming numbers, they did.

With one cloud down and two to go, TeaPartyPatriots and other concerned citizens trained their sights on 2012, and nothing focuses the patriot mind like visions of America annihilated. Inspired by our constitution, military heroes, and faith, Conservatives are kicking up more serious storms, strenghthened by themselves, technology and thunderbolt leaders at C-PAC 2011.

As a matter of fact, it’s a good thing the conference is in February. The speakers give you verbal valentines and you get to hang with lots of people who like you. You basically drink martinis for 3 days and walk out without a hangover. Unencumbered by Liberals, you can cheer, laugh, cry, analyze and regroup. They still say you’re nuts, but as usual, they have it backwards and the numbers prove it.

Some C-PAC valentines are funny and smart. Most of them are wise and right. Ann Coulter’s are a combination of all these things, but I think she’s wrong to say Republicans should nominate Chris Christie in 2012, since Mitt Romney can’t win the presidential election.

With a running mate like Florida Congressman Allen West, Romney can win. Like Governor Romney, Lt. Col. West is practically perfect. 

In any case, Indiana needs Mitch Daniels, Virginia needs Bob McDonnell, New Jersey needs Chris Christie. And America needs as many right-functioning states as she can get.

Lucky for us there’s a cabinet-full of other strong presidential teams like Romney-West: Gingrich-Cain, Barbour-Trump, Daniels-Bush.

I just happen to think that the nominees should be powered by supermates Allen West or Herman Cain, engaging heavyweights who bring knowledge, intelligence, humor and style to any race. Both men are natural campaigners who cut and close conservative arguments like Abe Lincoln chopped wood. 

Unlike today’s Liberals, the likely contenders know how to ensure jobs and preserve lives. They know how to build, staff, captain and protect solid ships. They know how to rid America of an elected Democrat who has deliberately…because no Harvard graduate can be that stupid…hollowed America’s hull and done everything in his power to sink her.

The Republican Party just has to be more like itself: tried and true, honest and strong, wise, straight and unnarrow, with nominees who ask only that this time, most Americans give valentines to them. 

RedRock Republicans don’t need to be loved, but because their philosophy has been proven to work best for our country, they do need to replace America’s current suitor, a rogue on the make who doesn’t remotely love her.