Look to the Stars


Even now, five months after the election, some people continue to ask how it could have happened. How could a nation opposed to nearly every initiative and policy launched during the president’s first term overwhelmingly reelect him? Scholars have searched the records, have amassed data, crunched numbers and scratched their heads, all to no avail.

The disconnect was most pronounced foreign policy. It is hard to understand why the American people believe this president knows what he is doing. The slogan “Only one Ambassador murdered by terrorists,” somehow doesn’t resonate with adults, but all the kids in the back of the class think it’s way cool. For some bizarre reason, we like this guy’s foreign policy, which consists almost entirely of boasting, bullying and aggressive retreat.

Perhaps it is time for the chronically perplexed to look to the stars. According to Gautam Naik of the Wall Street Journal, the international space station may hold the answer. Specifically, the Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer, or AMS, which is mounted on the outside of the space station, has been collecting and identifying cosmic rays arriving from the far reaches of space, in search of the ever-elusive dark matter.

According to researchers, AMS has identified particles “that could be formed from the dark annihilation of dark matter particles in space, but not yet sufficiently conclusive to rule out other explanations.” These are truly exciting times in which we live.

Naik could barely contain his excitement as he wrote, “Dark matter is invisible, yet its presence is felt by the immense gravitational tug it exerts on stars, galaxies and other cosmic bodies. What could this mysterious substance be made of? One of the leading candidates is a WIMP, or weakly interacting massive particle.”

Aha. The WIMP factor. We should have seen it coming. But what exactly are WIMPS? We turn toMr. Naik again. “WIMPS are elusive. They rarely interact with normal matter . . . indeed, billions of WIMPS may be darting through the Earth every second, without hitting anything.”

Uh, yes, that pretty much defines WIMPS. So, are we witnessing WIMPS ascending? Have we moved from the Age of Aquarius to the Age of WIMPS? Michael Turner certainly believes it. Turner, a cosmologist at the University of Chicago says “This is the decade of the WIMP.”

Well, there you go, mystery solved. If I were Kim Jong Eun I’d fire off a few thousand rockets. Just for the hell of it. There’s nothing more fun than watching scurrying WIMPS.