Lincoln's Sequesterburg Address:


If, after a decade of relentless growth in spending, you believe that the federal government operates on a bare bones basis, and that even the slightest reduction in the rate of increase must necessarily cause draconian cuts in essential services, then you might be an Obama voter. For the rest of us, the dwindling few still capable of rational thought, such dire threats are nothing more than the latest example of what can only be described at Chicken Little Governance.

Under a Chicken Little Government, elected officials and the public-teat-slurpers whose livelihoods depend upon them, flit from crisis to panic to crisis, pretending this is responsible behavior. Aided and abetted by their media handmaidens, the public sector of our economy exists in a vacuum.

Someday, assuming the world survives, historians will look back on our collective abdication of responsibility, and scratch their heads, and wonder aloud, “Where were their parents while all this was going on?”

Of all the recent manifestations of Chicken Little Governance, none has been as aggravating and insulting to common sense as the latest Sequester Crisis. Of all the squawks and cries, from MSNBC’s Chicken Licken, CBS’s Henny Penny, FOX News’ Goosey Loosey, House Speaker Turkey Lurkey and President Foxy Loxy, none has been more absurd than those emanating from Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood–or, shall we, in honor of the analogy, call him Cocky Locky?

LaHood warns us that the looming cuts will force small airports to close and larger airports to dramatically slash the number of daily flights they can handle. Passengers will face delays of three hours and more, not just because so many flights are grounded, but due to longer security delays thanks to TSA furloughs. (When one incredibly naive interlocutor asked LaHood why they simply couldn’t furlough the six or eight TSA employees who hang around the gates doing nothing rather than the three or four who actually do the screening, LaHood explained that if they were to do that, they would have to pull people off the scanners to take the jobs of those standing around doing nothing–something about union rules).

Absurd as LaHood’s SkyFall alarum was, it paled when compared to yesterday’s bid for statesmanship. During appearances on CNN and NBC, LaHood urged Democrat and Republican leaders to watch the film “Lincoln.”

“Everybody around here ought to go take a look at the ‘Lincoln’ movie,” LaHood counseled, “Where they did very hard things by working together, talking together and compromising. “That’s what’s needed here.”

Just a little FYI to Mr. LaHood, Abraham Lincoln didn’t preside over an age of “working together, talking together, and compromising.” He was president during the Civil War. There was very little talking together that could be heard over the sound of cannons blasting, rifles firing, and wounded men screaming in agony. But, hey, it was a clever pop cultural reference, a perfectly calibrated appeal to a populace willing to believe the slightest restraint in federal spending will cause the sky to fall.