P!#tts My Dad Says


How awful is liberal columnist Leonard Pitts Jr.? Well, if my father were a liberal weenie given to posing as an intellectual while spewing the most absurd, illogical arguments; if he were a moral poseur, pretending to be preaching about love and mutual respect while dismissing those with whom he disagrees as either evil or moronic; and if he were just a real lousy writer, then I could probably get my own TV show on CBS called “P!#tts My Dad Says.”

Fortunately my father is none of those things, which makes this the most tortured analogy since, well, since any one used by Pitts on a good day. Take today’s column, in which he praises the boneheaded suggestion that Republicans and Democrats to sit together during tonight’s State of the Union address. You can’t help wondering if the Representatives and Senators will find boxes of juice and cookies at their desks. What, no cookies? That’s right, Michelle has banned them. Too much sugar.

However, our elected representatives will be given blankies, and there will be a rest time scheduled during the speech. Actually, none of that is true, though it might as well be, as that is how childish the idea is. Even worse than the idea are the reasons used to justify it. The main one, of course, is the firestorm of bitter partisan invective, irresponsible accusations and libelous allegations in the immediate aftermath of the shooting in Tucson.

As Pitts writes, “It is a tragedy that has inspired many of us to reconsider the violent, vitriolic and divisive political rhetoric that has become so commonplace. While such rhetoric did not cause – even indirectly – the carnage in Arizona, that reconsideration is still appropriate.” Huh? Partisan discourse played no role whatsoever in this incident, which is why we all (read conservatives) should avoid disagreeing with the President, Senate Democrats, and sanctimonious, egotistical and illogical columnists?

That makes as much sense as the Head Priest in some ancient culture announcing that his astronomers have determined that the earth’s position relative to the sun during its orbit is the reason days are getting shorter. “The sun is not angry at us, nor is it sick. In fact, it does not require us to sacrifice virgins. Which is why we need to continue sacrificing virgins.”

It’s a popular belief that the  United States is fairly evenly divided between liberals and conservatives, with a small group of independents in the middle who determine the difference in most elections. This theory is not born out in polls, which show a plurality of Americans self-identify as conservatives, while very few are willing to call themselves liberals.

The main reason four out of five Americans are afraid to call themselves liberals is they don’t want people to think they read Leonard Pitts, Jr.