Hi. My name is Kathleen and I'm hopelessly out of touch.

Hi Kathleen…

Kathleen Parker is at it again. I’m going to be setting up a PayPal link to collect donations to purchase a two person ocean kayak. Front seat, David Brooks. Back seat, Kathleen.

Today’s installment actually makes Brooks’ latest contributions to ignorance and stupidity look pretty decent. The lede certainly starts off on left foot…

BOSTON — The biggest challenge facing America’s struggling newspaper industry may not be the high cost of newsprint or lost ad revenue, but ignorance stoked by drive-by punditry.

Yes, Dittoheads, you heard it right.

Drive-by pundits, to spin off of Rush Limbaugh’s “drive-by media,” are non-journalists who have been demonizing the media for the past 20 years or so and who blame the current news crisis on bias.

And our “Republican contributor” to the WaPo OpEd pages just gets better from there…

But the greater truth is that newspaper reporters, editors and institutions are responsible for the boots-on-the-ground grub work that produces the news stories and performs the government watchdog role so crucial to a democratic republic.

Unfortunately, the chorus of media bashing from certain quarters has succeeded in convincing many Americans that they don’t need newspapers.

Heh. Kathleen, your offering today may take the cake for rank stupidity. First of all, the idea that newspaper editors and reporters do “boots-on-the-ground grub work” is laughable. It was laughable BEFORE the members of your second-oldest profession started doing backs-on-the-mattress grub work for the current occupant of the White House, but over the last several months the idea is pathetic on it’s face.

To paraphrase Bob Dole, where’s the outrage from y’all?  Outrage over the complete lack of – or incompetent – vetting of Cabinet level appointees by TheOne™?   Where are y’all when it comes to noting that Himself was apparently lying about all the stuff He was planning on doing right after his inauguration (remember being out of Iraq in six months, for starters?)?  And to make it personal Kathy, any plans to do an expose on Barney Frank or Chris Dodd or how about a column on the recently concluded ICCC conference – especially the comments of the closing speaker. (Hint hon, if you missed the conference you can get caught up by checking out today’s Redstate.)

Hey, any comments about that “boots-on-the-ground” news team over at CNBC and their expose of the assassination team that Dick Cheney was running out of his office? Or how about clearing the air over Dan Rather’s TANG revelations?

Kathy, your concluding paragraph is, well, concluding.

Whatever business models emerge, [Alex S.] Jones [director of Harvard University’s Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics and Public Policy] says newspapers have to focus on their traditional core of fact-based, serious reporting. We might add to that formula the need for a serious populace informed about the fragile thread that connects a free press to a free future.

Traditional core of fact-based, serious reporting. Get that Kathy? Fact-based reporting. Not innuendo slander. Not that you’d know the difference, hon. You want to know why 43% of poll respondents weren’t concerned about the fate of their local newspaper and why readership is going to hell in a handcart? It’s not because of unwashed people like me sitting around in our pj’s typing. (Full disclosure – it’s early, I’m headed for the shower when I finish this, and yes, I’m in my pj’s.) It’s because fools and frauds like you and Olberperson and Rather and the editorial boards of the NYT and the WaPo would know a “fact” if it fell on you. And as for “serious reporting”? Heh. If I want serious reporting I’ll turn to the National Enquirer or the New Times. They’ve done more serious reporting over the last ten years or so that any of the rags that you’re syndicated in.

Kathy, please pick your clothes up off the floor of the Lincoln Bedroom and go out the back door. The check, I’m sure, is in the mail. Funding for it was approved in the fine print of the Stimulus Package.