Texas History X

Texans are facing certain death in bars, restaurants, homes, and even their work places. Now that I think of it, Texas school children are even exposed to this deadly habit. Yet, Texas legislators are displaying a lack of urgency to address this problem and enact a statewide ban.

Now if your feeble little mind doesn’t know what I’m talking about, I will just go ahead and tell you. It’s sitting! Yes, sitting. A new study was released by the American College of Cardiology stating that sitting is just as dangerous as smoking. Sitting has been an epidemic in Texas and was even a leading reason to why Texas revolted against Mexico. Then again, you wouldn’t know that because of the liberal media.

Don’t believe me? Just take a look at the painting below, that depicts General Santa Anna surrendering to the Texas Army, and tell me what you see.

Exactly! Every single Texan is standing except for two, Sam Houston and Erastus “Deaf” Smith. You can see Santa Anna was so addicted to sitting that he was no longer sitting anymore, but had progressed to laying down. Houston is sitting because he was wounded(probably from all the sitting he had been doing all day). “Deaf” wasn’t wounded, but you can see him trying to listen to what was being said with his good right ear. He originally came to Texas for health reasons and fully recovered except for being deaf in his left ear, hence his name. His health problems are most likely linked to secondhand sitting in bars.

Many historians believe he knew better than to go to bars full of sitters, but he just wanted to be liked. You see when he walked into a bar and saw everyone else was sitting, he would feel peer pressured to sit and stay. This is why “Deaf” Smith is the best known victim of secondhand sitting in Texas.

This brings us to an important question: “Why didn’t our founders ban smoking​ sitting when it was such an important ideal to the revolution?” We may never know, but many believe that our founders decided it was better to let individuals and businesses decide if sitting should be allowed. Heh, idiots.

It troubles me that we are in the year 2011 and the people of Texas still have the choice to sit in bars and restaurants. The small minded person that said, “Give me liberty or give me death” obviously doesn’t realize that liberty means death. So I plead with my fellow Texans and the Texas Legislature to support a statewide sitting ban before it’s too late.