My wife and I went to Sam's today...

My wife and I went to Sam's today...
(AP Photo/Paul Sakuma, File)

Two weeks ago, I bailed out on her and she was on her own, on the routine run to get dog treats, almond energy bars and the usual “Stuff” we get(I really want to get three or four of those cowboy ribeyes, but I can’t eat that much of one of those monsters). This time we both went, and what an experience!

Masks, masks, masks! I swear I was expecting to see the Lone Ranger in that place. Out of about a hundred or so people in the big store, there were only a handful not wearing the stupid things. Let me explain why I say stupid.

There is a proper use for wearing masks, and it doesn’t involve wearing one in a store, thinking you are protecting yourself, when you are at best, protecting everyone who may get near you, and that’s only if the mask is worn properly, covers what it is supposed to and nothing else, outside of a sterile field setting, which Sam’s is most definitely not. We saw people with the mask covering only their mouths, sometimes covering mouth and nose, and very often people scratching the mask, which is a no no. I was chuckling my way through Sam’s.

But, the best was going into the store. The entrance to the store looked to be a gauntlet to run through, just to get in. They placed about thirty carts and flats making a pretty long line by the side of the building. I saw it first, and said “I’m going in the exit door, the Hell with this”, since I saw one of those people on a scooter doing the same, and my wife, being the compliant reverent one in the family, continued to run the gauntlet. I got not so politely chewed out by the nanny, wearing a mask(I suspect hers was to protect her identity), telling me I need to go in by the entrance door. I gave it back to her. “I’m already in here” I need to see your Sam’s ID”  “I don’t have one. You’ll have to wait for my wife to finish running the gauntlet. She’s the proud member.”

When she got through the gauntlet, complying away and showing that stupid ID, that they never check until you’re on your way out, I think I heard a few expletives from her(Nawww!).

The only thing that saved me from that place, today, was an old black Vietnam vet, wearing his cap, and even wearing a mask, but, in his case, I understood, because he was in his seventies, and was probably the only one in the building with a real reason. Besides, his wife made him. We got to talking about frying fish, and I thought I was going to bend over laughing. He said he thought he might try some of that tilapia, and then he told me his wife said that was “junk fish”. I said “You might listen to your wife, at least about that, because, as far as I’m concerned, crappie beat the heck out of junk fish from Mexico. We would have high fived if we hadn’t been social distancing. He was looking for a batter, and I told him I saw a good looking spicy batter dip at Kroger’s, but nothing here, because I came for some fish to fry, myself. If I hadn’t ruin into that old guy, I might have gone nuts in Sam’s today..

But, hey! They had toilet paper! I didn’t see the first hippo in the store, just a bunch of people thinking they were protecting themselves from the Wu Tang Crap.


This stupid Covid nonsense was made tolerable by the old random guy who got lost from his wife, and we made the best of it. Thank God for that small miracle! I like people, and the stupid mask ain’t stopping me from having a good time.

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