Like Christmas in October; OccupyMN is coming to town!

I’m just thrilled those of us who live in the backwaters of Minnesota will be privileged to become part of the “Occupy” movement.  It is a joy to think we too can have an assortment of anarchists, communists, indoctrinated students, socialists, and just plain nuts filling our public spaces.  Really, I am truly excited because I’m a huge fan of free speech.  I truly believe that if we just air these people’s grievances and show the rest of the nation the quality of minds behind their thinking, we will really have a revolution of thought.  Once we interview and photograph these deep philosophical social thinkers, we can finally come to an understanding of how our nation should be governed.

Let’s explore the ‘official’ list of demands being made by the organizers.  These are some amazing political and economic ideas that would change the world.  The first and third demands are somewhat alike, so let’s explore them together.

From the website, obviously powered by human tears, we have the Proposed List of Demands for Occupy Wall St Movement! Don’t forget the exclamation point, it matters!

“Demand one: Restoration of the living wage. This demand can only be met by ending “Freetrade” by re-imposing trade tariffs on all imported goods entering the American market to level the playing field for domestic family farming and domestic manufacturing as most nations that are dumping cheap products onto the American market have radical wage and environmental regulation advantages. Another policy that must be instituted is raise the minimum wage to twenty dollars an hr.”  Usually the word ‘restore’ or any variation on it means to ‘make it like it once was.’  I don’t know we’ve ever had a ‘living wage’ twenty dollars an hr.’  But, we mustn’t quibble.  This is part of ending “Freetrade.”  I presume “Freetrade” is a video game that simply doesn’t ever end and that gets annoying.  We also must be careful of those nations with radical wage and environmental advantages, like Cuba and Venezuela.

The Third Demand is also a hoot.  “Demand three: Guaranteed living wage income regardless of employment.”  This seems to be just a reiteration of the First Demand.  Perhaps it’s REALLY important and so it bares repeating.  But, if we have already instituted a $20/hr wage, it was seem this demand is more of a friendly reminder than a demand per se.

Demand Eleven is the most exciting though.  It seems to have much more power than the others.  It’s longer.  It’s more strident.  And, it seems they really mean this one.

“Demand eleven: Immediate across the board debt forgiveness for all. Debt forgiveness of sovereign debt, commercial loans, home mortgages, home equity loans, credit card debt, student loans and personal loans now! All debt must be stricken from the “Books.” World Bank Loans to all Nations, Bank to Bank Debt and all Bonds and Margin Call Debt in the stock market including all Derivatives or Credit Default Swaps, all 65 trillion dollars of them must also be stricken from the “Books.” And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.”  As I mentioned, this is their most important demand.  If we simply forgive all debt, and I quote, “And I don’t mean debt that is in default, I mean all debt on the entire planet period.”  Will anyone have any money?  If everyone who has loaned money no longer can ask for it back, doesn’t that simply evaporate all savings?  There would be no more banks, credit institutions, hedge funds, and Social Security funds because that fund is entirely loaned out too.

Which makes the next demand all the more curious.  “Demand twelve: Outlaw all credit reporting agencies.” What exactly would they be rating? All credit has just been wiped out completely.  We have no banks or credit cards, so what would they be rating?

Another strange demand is the last one.  It appears to also be superfluous.  “Demand thirteen: Allow all workers to sign a ballot at any time during a union organizing campaign or at any time that represents their yeah or nay to having a union represent them in collective bargaining or to form a union.”  What do we need unions for if all jobs are living wage jobs making at least $20/hour?  Unions would be obsolete in this interesting new world where unwashed, indoctrinated ‘intellectuals’ simply make arbitrary laws at the stroke of a pen.  Besides, since no one owes anything any more, why are they working?  Shouldn’t we all just be engaging in poetry slams and smoking dope?

Oh, like I said, I’m just thrilled to get some of these questions answered.  I’m so excited for Friday when these mental giants will descend upon us like locust and fill the public square with their wisdom.  I’ve got my camera all charged up. I’m furiously writing out intriguing questions for these heirs to Socrates and Descartes.  The anticipation is almost too much.  Stay tuned.

Crossposted at Looktruenorth.com