While the president has the power of the bully pulpit and the veto, the First Lady has the power of her example to use for the public good. Michelle Antoinette has decided to use her powers to transform America. She wants us to all subsume our vigorous appetites in favor of politically correct fare. While she and the president pig out on burgers and fries, the rest of us fat, stupid Americans should be buying overpriced kale and arugula that benefit the planet. In order to prove her points, she publicly demonstrates how the plebian masses should behave.
First, after your husband cuts off public voucher funding for private schools, argue in a speech that public education is a worthy and noble enterprise that needs our support. Immediately after the speech, tour and interview private schools in that same district and select one for your own kids. Ignore any calls of hypocrisy as political.
Next, you should enlist the neighborhood children to dig up and plant a garden in a public space. Make it a huge scene with hundreds of reporters trampling the grass and walking through the flower beds. Announce this piddling garden will feed your family, your guests, and your ‘staff.’ Then promptly ignore the garden to run fallow.
Then, don your most expensive sneakers and urge the public to help the needy. Serve at a soup kitchen for a photo op in those extravagant sneakers and sneak out the back. Have your secretary field calls the episode was inappropriate. Pretend your actions are meaningful and respectful while you force the French president to have stores open in that foreign country for your pleasure. Ignore calls of your arrogant behavior.
In between photo shoots, proceed to call all opponents of your husband’s health care takeover male chauvinist pigs. Berate women for questioning the plan. Belittle and mock any and all that have reservations. Look haughty and smug before the cameras.
As an example to we simple folk, demand a new farmer’s market open near your residence. Once the market opens, call a press conference showing how wonderful and wise you are. Use the word ‘smart’ a lot when referring to your ideas and your supporters’ ideas. This will, by implication, make any who are not rich enough or compliant enough to accede to your demands look stupid and backwards.
Finally, to prove how much more ‘en vogue’ you are, go on a press released shopping spree at your market. Pay incredibly high prices for food and demand others do the same. For those of limited means, make outrageous claims as to the food’s health benefits. Clog the roads with your spree holding the rest of the city hostage to your whims and political agenda. Wave a bunch of greens at the ogling public. Never mention your own scraggly garden, a garden that could easily have grown this vegetable. Lament the difficulties of cooking for a growing family. Mug for the camera.
You are truly superior, Queen Michelle Antoinette.