Bailout Rock

By Rose Pedenko and Tanya Simon

Hey, all you cats & kittens out there in funny money land, the clock is tick, tick, ticking. It’s almost time we hit the mattresses and harvest that stashed cash we’ve been storing for a rainy day, ‘cause our savings and 401(k)s’ might be “Blowin’ in the Wind,” and then it’s going to be “See You Later, Alligator” from our Pension Funds.

The Dow Jones had its “19th Nervous Breakdown” when the The 3 Gs (Good Guys & Gals in Government), better known as “Strangers in the Night,” did a “Shake, Rattle & Roll” and voted “no $$$$-ING way” to bail out the credit market a/k/a the “Space Oddity” – that was famous for its jingles “We Can Work it Out” and “My World is Empty Without IOUs, Babe.”

Treasury Secretary Henry “It’s Now or Never” Paulson went from “Mellow Yellow” to a “Whiter Shade of Pale” when the American people rang up their reps and sang our anthem, “I Fought the Law” and rejected his $700 billion “Eight Miles High” bailout compromise. Then Representative Mike Pence of Indiana cut through the “Purple Haze” and announced: “The American people rejected this bailout, and now Congress did likewise.”

Would the underlying message to Congress be: “You Can’t Always Get What You Want?”

Just when we thought the “Smoke on the Water” was clearing in the violin section of the Democrat party, “Dazed and Confused” Barney Frank must have had a “Psychotic Reaction” when he issued the statement: “The Republicans killed this.”

Back in 2004, during “A Day in the Life” of the illegal bookkeeping hearings, Barney Frank said “you seem to be saying well there are areas which could raise safety and soundness problems. I don’t see anything in this report that raises safety and soundness problems.” And just like that Frank figured: “There Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now.”

And who can ever forget Maxine “California Dreamin’” Waters at those very same hearings declaring: “Mr. Chairman, we do not have a crisis at Freddie Mac, and in particular at Fannie Mae under the outstanding leadership of Mr. Frank Raines.”

“Is it Just My Imagination” or was Maxine telling Raines “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough?”

If that weren’t enough, and “With the Tears of a Clown,” Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben “I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” Bernanke, warned of “grave threats” to the global financial system if Congress rejected the plan. Apparently, his “Paint It Black” warning was met with the “Sounds of Silence” by the “Comfortably Numb” (up for reelection) Congress who were unwilling to hop on the “Last Train to Clarksville” and vote the wrong way just before the General Election — wishing we all could, once again, be “The Way We Were.”

The “If I Had a Hammer” (and Sickle) Democrats and “God Only Knows” Republicans hammered out a compromise measure entitled “The Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 with a “Whole Lot of Shakin’ Goin’ On” from both sides of the aisle. They’d still be shakin’, but they took a couple of days off before “Takin’ Care of Business.”

Certainly, Representative Jeb Hensarling (R) of Texas thought “The Times They Are A’Changin”’ when he declared the bailout might put the nation on the “slippery slope to socialism.” In practically the same breath, please “Say It Ain’t So,” Rep. James Langevin, Democrat from Rhode Island, said “we must ensure hardworking people will have access to financing for mortgages, as well as auto, student and small business loans.”

The American people believe little in “Sympathy For The Devil” that is Wall Street and are “Crazy” for another Congressional “Hard Day’s Night” of negotiating.

It was widely reported that President George W. Bush was disappointed with defeat of the bailout bill. He was “Wishin’ and Hopin” otherwise and last overheard saying “I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction).”

Democratic Presidential candidate Barack “With No Particular Place To Go” Obama, made a token phone call to the real working senators saying “Please Please Me.”

Gaffe-prone Senator Joe Biden asked his running mate “Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?”

On “Needles and Pins” and with rolled up sleeves, Senator John “I Feel Fine” McCain insists “A Change Is Gonna Come.”