The liberal is a particular breed of herd animal, a breed which tramples all to get to the front of the stampede, leaving behind nothing but a wide trail of destruction and feces.
Such as it is with the latest eruption of bat guano that advanced the notion anything can be racist. Kimberly Ross aptly described this mindset as “Generation Wuss,” but now that the stampede has started, the faster hooves are trampling into what can only be described as harebrained absurdity.
At least Generation Wuss had the decorum to publish their declarations in The New York Times, with proper grammar and an editorial style guide. Strunk & White aside, Frank Bruni and the NYT editorial board decimated two millennia of moral foundations based on Judeo-Christian values by placing furniture-maker Mitchell Gold’s commandment above God’s.
Gold told me that church leaders must be made “to take homosexuality off the sin list.”
Must be made, how? I suppose Gold intends to storm Heaven and remove the Lord from His throne, and place himself there as the sentinel of the pearly gates. St. Peter will be out of a job. Failing that, all they can do is threaten us with Heaven and create more martyrs, who are being multiplied daily in places like Nigeria, Iraq, Libya and Syria.
It only gets more insane from here. Clorox played off Apple’s new emojis with a tweet, which was met with horror, because Clorox sells bleach, which turns things white.
— Pru Absolon (@pruabsolon) April 10, 2015
This is serious. Because the Washington Post, another august institution of higher grammar and editorial au jus, scrambled to condemn the enhanced smiley-face symbols as inherently racist.
Apple’s intent was good. But the execution was completely flawed. Apple took the easy way out. Instead of creating actual emojis of color, Apple simply allows its users to make white emojis a different color. With this update, the company skirts around having to attribute certain physical characteristics to certain races of people. For example, there’s nothing specifically “black” about an emoji with browner skin. Deepening the skin color of a previously white emoji doesn’t make the emoji not white. It’s just a bastardized emoji blackface. The blond-haired emoji man and the blue-eyed emoji princess are clearly white, but you can slip them into a darker-colored skin. These new figures aren’t emojis of color; they’re just white emojis wearing masks.
I wish I were kidding, and this was all from The Onion. They are dead serious. They are also bat guano crazy.
They don’t even see how insane they appear to the rest of the world outside their “safe spaces,” college campuses and glass-encased office buildings in the Beltway and Broadway.
Ithaca College recently approved a student government plan to create an online microaggression tracking system, which will allow students to anonymously (right!) fink on their peers and professors for thought crimes.
Kyle James, future Democratic Party chair, co-sponsored the bill, saying “that’s really the end goal— that professors and other faculty and staff and other students realize that what they’re doing, the stuff they’re saying really…has an impact.”
And the simple act of sending a “not specifically black” emoji in a text message is one of those “check your privilege, Hondo” moments, because snow is white and Darius Rucker isn’t. Or looking at this soon-to-be-banned webpage will be a racist act.
Now that the padlocks are off the chains at Arkham Asylum, the inmates are free to hurtle out the front door into hustle of normal society, swinging their buckets of fresh excrement and paintbrushes to create a whole new category of dung art.
As long as it isn’t white.