An English to Liberal Dictionary

I have discovered the truth about why liberals don’t “get” conservative ideas.  We say the same words but don’t speak the same language.  It’s like the Star Trek episode where Kirk found himself on the evil-Enterprise (“Mirror Mirror”).

So to facilitate understanding, I’ve compiled, in no particular order, what I believe to be a short list of commonly used words and phrases in our language and their Liberal translations.

Man A gender stereotype of a male chauvinist white supremacist homophobe – as a group referred to as “The Man”
Woman A strong, smart, career minded female who doesn’t need a man telling her what to do, and should own her own body and make her own choices
White A person belonging to any race that is bigoted, is not victimized, marginalized, or in need of government assistance
White-hyphenated A person who doesn’t look white, but is white, by the definition above
Black How anyone except white people (by the definition above) are allowed refer to African Americans
African American The acceptable term for black people as a group, except when Liberals say it isn’t
Entitlement We deserve, and must have, everything we need to live*, and we don’t care how much The Man has to pay for it, because The Man has too much money
To Live Having food, necessities, homes, cars, cigarette money (except where it’s not allowed), cell phones, video game consoles, music, movies and cable TV (see Entitlement)
Environment The Goddess of Earth who exacts justice on all who dare challenge Liberal ideas
Weather Climate Change (no matter what the weather is, it’s because of Climate Change)
Global Warming Established law of science which cannot be challenged
Government What The Man calls our Entitlements, we call them “Programs”
Law Do what we tell you until we tell you otherwise
History The litany of horrors of White colonial rule and subjugation under The Man’s boot, except when we say “what difference does it make?”
Education The Program to indoctrinate young people in our language and discredit yours
Tolerance Your acceptance and celebration of Liberal ideas and Programs, and our rejection of yours
Fairness The taking of The Man’s privileges, assets, and rights to serve Liberal Entitlements, Programs, Law, and Education systems
Equality See “Fairness”
Religion A protected belief system that cannot be infringed, except for Christianity
Christianity The religion of The Man
Taxes The method that Government uses to enforce Equality, Fairness, and fund Liberal Entitlements, Programs, Law and Education systems (see Fairness)
Military A group of well-armed people whose existence is repugnant to us, except when we send them to foreign lands to fight for us.  When they die for us, we remind The Man how History has caused these deaths
Liberty The Man’s codeword for Christian theocracy
Voter Anyone we say can cast a ballot for Liberal candidates
Majority The consensus of opinion of Washington, D.C., New York City, and Los Angeles area residents, and sometimes San Francisco Bay
Silent Majority Those who live in flyover-country who cling to their guns and religion (see Christianity)
NRA See Christianity, but with guns
Bible A well-intentioned but irrelevant book of fairy tales (usually said with an eye-roll)
Love The chemistry between two or more mutually attracted living things
Marriage The legal and religious bond between living things that love each other
Gender The Man’s stereotypical and oppressive identifications based on biological sex, which are unfairly imposed on little children and stunt their natural development – or – an individual’s own personal idea of their inner self’s sexuality
Sexual preference An individual’s innate, biologically programmed attraction to other people of a certain biological body type or self-identified gender
Biblical truth Hate
Traditional marriage Hate
Sin Intolerance and hate
Hate Anyone and any idea that disagrees with Liberal ideas: by definition if you disagree, we have to hate you because by definition you hate us
President When a Liberal is in the office:  a Messiah, King, and Giver of Good Gifts.  When a conservative is in office:  a tyrant, a hateful puppet of The Man

I hope this pocket guide to English / Liberal translation will help you to establish more meaningful conversations with your liberal friends.

Or maybe not.