Diary

A Parody of an Obama Stump Speech

My fellow comrades, I, Barack Obama am so honored to be the candidate for the socialist party of the United States. I pledge to change America, in the way Lenin changed the Russia into the USSR. I pledge that the US shall be renamed The United Socialist States of America, or USSA. I will initiate my progessive tax plan on Americans, so that all shall pay their fair share. The rich will pay taxes in the 95% tax bracket and the poor will get that money in the form of welfare so they will be completly dependent on the state. I shall decree, that the government will create 1000s of new programs that will help Americans, and effectivly take away all free will and choice. I will ban all religous organizations that do not agree with the policies of the USSA. It is time that those orginizations pay for their evil charities and speechs of hope and change. On energy, I will have all power utilities nationalised by the state so it can be more efficiant and will not harm the American public, sort of like how FEMA operates. I will nationalise healthcare so all Americans can have healthcare, and now the bureaucrats will make your health decisions, instead of by trained doctors. I say again that all corporations will pay a 70% tax to the USSA, so that they will not create more jobs and more wealth for the people. I will take the individual resposibility out of the minds of the people and let the government run their lives and thier decisions. I will also implement protectionism, so that no American will be hurt by cheap foriegn products and that all those maligant corporations will move overseas to China. While I’m at it, I will bomb Pakistan and violate their neutrality. Another idea of mine is to make it legal to murder babies, so that women don’t have to be punished with a baby.I will invite Bill Ayers to be my conter-terrorist chief, Wright to be my chief of the offical religion, Louis Farakkan to be my propaganda chief, Rezko to be the Minister of Housing development, Pastor Hegge to be the Ambassador to Israel, Mayor Daley to be the chief of the anti-corruption agency, my wife to be Chief of Staff, Al Gore to be Minister of the environment, and lastly I would want Barney Frank to be my finacial advisor. These great advisors will ensure that the USSA will be even more coorupt and bring Chicago-style change to Washington. Comrades, thank you for your last vote ever, because once i’m President I will appoint all of my own people instead of electing them, because electing people can bring crazy radicals in office.