Diary

In Memory: Senator Edward Kennedy

I have to take mild issue with some of the posts at this site that have criticized Senator Edward Kennedy on the day of his death.  Some conservatives I have talked to about this troubling phenomenon have suggested that there’s simply nothing positive for them to say about Kennedy, but that’s just not true.  I consulted with some fellow conservatives and we came up with a rather impressive list of charitable things that any conservative could say about Ted Kennedy, as a way to honor his memory. I hope that my fellow conservative bloggers can put aside their pettiness for this one day and follow suit.

  • He was adamantly opposed to slavery.
  • He was a tireless converter of oxygen into carbon dioxide.
  • He knew how to make a sandwich.
  • He never killed a man.
  • He never spent any time in prison.
  • He filled a much-needed void.
  • He was always one of his State’s two most effective Senators.
  • To offset his carbon footprint, he personally and regularly produced organic material that was suitable for use as plant fertilizer.
  • He was a shining example of dental hygiene.
  • He was an enduring supporter of the distilling industry.
  • He often remembered to tip his bartenders and waitresses.
  • The elevator buttons at the Senate office buildings will miss his loving jabs.
  • He never shoplifted, committed insurance fraud, or rolled drunks.
  • He regularly changed his socks.
  • He was a consistent eyeglasses-wearer.
  • He never gave substantial money to pro-Nazi organizations.
  • He never used weapons of mass destruction in anger.
  • It’s not said of him that he took more than one newspaper at a time from the box.
  • He never threw a shoe at anyone in public.
  • No one ever saw him beat a dog or a horse.
  • There is no indication that he tortured mice.
  • He was apparently one of the most diligent Democrats at paying his taxes.
  • He refrained from taking his clothes off for money.
  • He never accosted women he thought found him unattractive.
  • You could count on him to give even the homeliest cocktail waitress a self-esteem boosting rear-slap.
  • He rarely drank whiskey from the bottle in public.
  • He was a firm believer in yachting.
  • He was adamantly opposed to the genocide and/or displacement of non-Protestants.

See there? That wasn’t so hard at all.  Please feel free to drop your own favorite complimentary thought concerning Senator Kennedy into this thread.  POSITIVE COMMENTS ONLY, PLEASE.  If you can’t think of anything at least as positive as the above, maintain a respectful silence.