Dear Congressman Etheridge (may I call you Bob?):
You know, Bob, I’ve been meaning to write you for about a month or so, but just haven’t gotten around to it until now. What with all the bailouts, the unions cutting back-room deals, you guys have been keeping us busy writing about your scurrilous activities ad infinitum.
Now, with the DISCLOSE Act sidelined for a while, Bob, a little time can finally be devoted to—you, Bob.
I’ve got to admit, Bob, I’ve only been to North Carolina about a dozen or so times and, frankly, I’d never even heard of you until you assaulted that poor kid on the sidewalk last month for daring to ask you a question. And, to be honest, why you weren’t arrested on the spot is beyond a lot of us. I’m sure if the situation were reversed and some kid touched you that way, you’d have him strung from the highest tree, right Bob?
So, since until you went a little nuts, berserk, and maybe even a little gonzo on someone asking you whether or not you supported the Obama agenda and, since justice seems to have escaped you for the moment, I thought I’d try to put some pieces of the puzzle together about just what kind of politician you are, as well as who
owns controls you.
By everything I’ve read, Bob, your record in Congress may be catching up to you. In fact, it looks like a LOT of your constituents don’t even like you. That probably explains why Renee Ellmers is ahead of you right now. Yeah, we know that you have her outspent 9 to 1 and you’re going to spend all your time bashing her (pick on women too, do you?), but that doesn’t mean that people won’t give to her campaign once they’ve seen your record.
So, let’s talk about your record a little, okay? Here’s what I could figure out about you, Bob. Here is “The Record of Bob” in a nice and tidy little summary:
- Abortions. You like them apparently, right Bob? I mean with NARAL and Planned Parenthood giving you better than average scores, what’s not to like about you…that is, unless you’re a fetus.
- Tax & Spend. Holy CRAP, Bob! Judging by your low scores, it looks like you’ve got one of the worst records in Congress. I mean, really! Has anyone ever gotten worse scores from the National Taxpayers Union, Americans for Tax Reform, and Citizens Against Government Waste??? [Oh. Sorry. Someone just whispered in my ear, “Nancy Pelosi.”…You don’t do botox too, do you, Bob?]
- Union Stooge. Bob, by the looks of things, like so many in your party, it looks like you’ve gone “all in” for America’s union bosses [at least now we can see who’s buttering your bread, Bob].
- You support ending a worker’s right to choose union representation through secret-ballot elections
- The National Education Association consistently gives you an ‘A’ rating
- The AFL-CIO gives you an 87% rating
- And the money…Oh, they’ve shown you the money…
Which leaves me to wonder, Bob, if North Carolinians don’t like unions so much, why do the union bosses like you, Bob? You see, for a guy in a state with the lowest union membership in the entire country (3.1%), the unions sure have given you a pile of cash. Let’s see, from the looks of things…
- The Teamsters have given you $61,500?
- The Communications Workers of America, $60,000?
- The International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, $58,500?
- AFSCME, $53,500?
- The National Education Association, $49,500?
- The Laborers union, $47,000?
- The United Transportation Union, $47,000?
- Airline Pilots Association, $41,000?
Bob, seriously, with such low union membership in North Carolina, what are you doing for all that coinage, dude? [Say…You’re not one of those Democrats who are trying to end Right-to-Work states, are you, Bob?]
As I said before, Bob, even though you have a cash advantage over Renee Ellmers, I figure now that people know who you’re working for in DC and the fact that Renee is beating you in the polls, they should be more than willing to give to Renee’s campaign.
So, in closing, Bob, just a quick question…
Do you fully support the Obama agenda?
Oh. Silly me. Of course you do!
It’s been fun chatting with you, Bob.
Ciao for now!
“I bring reason to your ears, and, in language as plain as ABC, hold up truth to your eyes.” Thomas Paine, December 23, 1776
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