The Law of Increasing Governmentropy

Physicists and Engineers (read: nerds) like to get all wee-wee’d up when discussing the Laws of Thermodynamics. These discussions will often span across all fifty seven states, and even across languages. The Laws of Thermodynamics end up being debated by scientists speaking English, French, Sanskrit and Austrian. But what are the Laws of Thermodynamics, and why is it important to learn about them?


The truth is, they’re probably not important at all. I haven’t really read about them, so I don’t have all the facts, but nonetheless I think that they’re stupid. For the sake of argument, however, let’s try to consider one of them, even given my limited understanding. The Second Law of Thermodynamics, which I have arbitrarily decided to focus on, states:


“In a system, a process that occurs will tend to increase the total entropy of the universe.”


I would hope that this statement should be transparent enough, but for the Neanderthals out there, allow me to translate. Entropy is nothing more than a fancy way how saying how mixed up something is. It’s a level of…mixedupness. So this is very clearly stating that processes cause the universe to become more mixed up, and never less. Another way of putting this second law would be to say that:


“Heat generally cannot flow spontaneously from a material at lower temperature to a material at higher temperature.”


This is why it was so important to weatherize federal buildings. In the winter, heat will naturally want to escape, wasting precious taxpayer dollars. Never fear, though, I’m sure that once the government cures cancer, they will get around to tackling that pesky 2nd law of thermodynamics.


Where was I going with this tirade again? Ah yes! In the interest of making sure that science is returned to its rightful place in our society, I’ve decided to take these purely theoretical concepts of the 2nd law and entropy, and have applied them to the only sciences that really matter: political and social science.


With that, I have developed the following axiom, which I call the Law of Increasing Governmentropy:


“In a nation, a law that is passed will tend to increase the governmentropy of that nation.”


Governmentropy can be defined, quite simply, as the size and complexity of the Government running a nation. In other words, it’s a measure of how mixed up a government is! The best part is that since Governmentropy is a constantly increasing entity, claims of “I inherited this mess” must always be logically true. This axiom guarantees that our elected officials can remain punch-drunk and can spend their time attempting to improve their bowling scores to show up those hoity-toity special Olympians.


Of course, as with that goofy other second law, we can rewrite this one as follows:


“Tax dollars cannot spontaneously flow from the Government back to the people who paid those taxes.”


And that, boys and girls, is all too true.