Listen up!

I’ve been watching this whole Herman Cain/Rick Perry/Mitt Romney/Anonymous Donks fracas over the past few days on my cellphone and I have something to say finally.

First of all, I’ve been watching it on my cellphone (Samsung Galaxy S, Android over Verizon, nice phone, works great, cheap) because my power has been out since last Saturday.  It was finally restored 20 minutes ago and I can tell you that there’s nothing like electricity to make you happier after six days of crapping in plastic bags and heating noodle water up 6 ounces at a time and running extension cords all over the place while schlepping a generator hither and yon all week long trying to get at least *some* productive work done.  In the meantime everyone else has been bothering themselves silly with all this incredibly unproductive and even destructive work.

But I’ve been watching it over the past six days (well, it seems that long) and I have to tell you all:  none of you have anything serious to complain about.  You ain’t suffering.  Get your heads straightened out.  It’s pretty obvious to me that this is a hatchet job hit piece attempt at destroying Herman Cain and driving irreconcilable wedges into the Republicans and Conservatives in this election cycle.  The truth will come out and it should, but everyone needs to calm the heck down.  There’s nothing you all have gone through in the past six days that even remotely compares to balancing freezing the pipes and freezing to death at night with dying of carbon monoxide poisoning and knowing that you can’t shower and have to wake up tomorrow and go wipe your butt in the woods.

Now that the power is back on here I have a lot more to say about the whole Cain sex harassment thing but seriously folks if you can’t read between the lines here and realize what a truly enormous distraction this is, designed to make Republicans and Conservatives hate each other’s guts right when they need some solidarity, there’s nothing that can help you.  First it was Perry’s “Niggerhead Rock” and now it’s Cain’s blahblahblah alleged sex harassment woes.  It’s all really scary.  It’s designed to make you think it’s really scary.

It’s a bunch of crap in my opinion.  Watch this shiny object.

So get your heads on straight and be thankful you didn’t get 10 inches of snow the day before Halloween and had to spend the last week showering out of a tupperware container with ice cubes floating in it.  Then take a few deep breaths, calm down and quit banging away at each other long enough to realize that Rahm Emanuel is sitting back in his office in Chicago laughing his ballerina arse off.

Get on the backs of our candidates for good reasons, not the stupid reasons – and stop the circular firing party.  That is my advice after crapping in a plastic bag all week long.  Believe me, if I can do that, you can find the courage to keep your powder dry and not be led around by the nose into saying things and thinking things and wishing things you’ll regret.  Whatever the truth is, we can handle it, and it’s not that bad.

Over and out until tomorrow and yours very truly:  Me.