Diary

Biden's motorcade fired upon

**NBC has just broken the news that Senator Joe Biden’s motorcade was fired upon by a disgruntled writer recently fired from SNL.

The AP has added the interview with Miami Police Chief, Fred Mack. Chief Mack released details on the weapon taken into custody. He said, “Yeah, this is one of those things that launches tennis balls so you can learn how to hit a serve. My wife’s got one.”

**Veteran anchorman, Keith Odorman, arrived at the scene and was awestruck by the carnage. Six vehicles received direct hits causing numerous dents. Everywhere, there were spent tennis balls. An agent of the Secret Service wept. A group from Obama’s old Hari Krishna troop rushed in to wash the windshields of the fallen vehicles.

Odorman made his way to Senator Biden who was visibly shaken by the events. Odorman asked the Senator if he was alright. “Yeah,” replied Biden, who then pulled up his T-shirt to reveal two large welts. Nancy Pelosi gasped, “My God! You can see the imprint “Spaulding” on his ribs! That maniac obviously had the ball launcher set on HIGH.”

Biden was hesitant to give an account of the attack. But there was one poignant moment when he had to choke back the tears. “I thought I was going to lose consciousness about 4-5, or maybe 15 times. But I was able to pull out if it, every time, by saying, “Joe, you have to live. Live, Joe. Live, so you can once again help the Middle Class.” That inspiration pulled me through.

Odorman asked, “Are you okay now?” Biden replied, “Don’t worry about me, I’ve had plenty of days much worse than this.” Odorman asked Biden to recount one of those days for the viewers at home. Biden obliged. “I don’t like to talk about it because it brings back bad dreams. But recently, a helicopter I was riding in, was shot down.”

Odorman: By a helicopter gunship? Jet fighter?

Biden: Worse. It was a surface-to-air snowball.