A Qualification Exam For Senators and Representatives Seeking Re-Election (Humor)

NOTE:  The Humor-Impaired Need Not Read Any Further

Let’s face it – America needs term limits for Senators and Representatives as much as it does the President.  Why term limits for these rascals were not included in the Constitution is a mystery to me.  But given that periodic elections ARE in the Constitution, here is my short Incumbent Qualification Exam for those elected guys and gals seeking to continue drawing on the People’s payroll.  We love you better than a fluffy bunny on Easter, but we’re going to hold you accountable.  If you can’t pass this exam with 100% it’s probably best that you seek employment elsewhere.

So… down a shot of scotch, take a puff on that illegal contraband Cuban cigar, here we go – and no help from one of those sniveling, butt-kissing, over-paid staffers:

  1. Are you willing to be hooked to a lie detector for the remainder of this exam?  If not, take a hike you lying bastard.  Do not continue with this exam.  Your future days of public service should include tools such as a mop and a broom.  And don’t forget to add hand soap to the dispensers.
  2. What was your net worth when you originally took office and how much is it today?  If you can’t explain where those millions came from while you received an annual salary under $200,000 – your exam will be forwarded immediately to the IRS.  Discontinue taking this exam and call your lawyer immediately.  Happy (audit) trails to you, until… we meet… again…
  3. Have you slept with anyone other than your current spouse(s) and/or committed partner(s) during your term in office?  Remember, you’re tethered to a lie detector and any living species counts, you cheating SOB.  If you can’t control your zipper, how can you control a federal budget?  If you answered YES to this question, stop taking this exam and just go away.  Freaking pervert…
  4. Can you provide a list of your campaign promises and documentation proving that you kept every one of them?  If not, you’re no better than the sleazy, lying scum who went to prison and gave you the opportunity to run for his or her open seat.  Unless you answered YES, stop taking this exam now and go back to lying to your wives and girlfriends – at least they expect it from trash like you.  You’re pathetic.
  5. If you made it all the way to this question, congratulations!  You’re morally superior to 99% of our elected officials and 99.9% of Washington lobbyists.  Post a comment identifying your angelic self and I’ll consider sending a campaign contribution.

OK, that’s it.  If you’re an elected public servant, I hope you’ll complete this exam and share the results with your constituents prior to filing papers for re-election.  If you’re a constituent of a Senator or Representative seeking re-election, I hope you’ll force that lying, cheating, pathetic SOB to take this exam and place the results on the top of the home page on their campaign web site.  If your candidate refuses to take the exam… well, you’ll know what to do.