Actually, I have nothing against Mr. Change Jar but after looking at his ideas, I just think I can do a better job as POTUS.
First thing I will do is hold a press conference announcing my candidacy in the middle of the DailyKos Netroots Convention. You can’t get any worse than that so it would all be up hill from there.
At my first campaign stop I would announce really cools stuff like a few of my important picks.
V.P. would go to Congressman Steve King from Iowa if he would.
Michael Becker for Press Secretary if he would.
Donald Trump Ambassador to China if he would.
Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn for Secretary of State if she would.
Appoint Congressman Ron Paul to head up the Federal Reserve just to see what the heck happens.
Appoint my son Video Game Czar.
Appoint Jenny Beth Martin Health Care Czar.
Here’s my chronological agenda if elected,
Unplug the money printing equipment.
Demand Congress reduce the Debt Ceiling to 13 trillion to get the argument headed in the right direction.
Restrict the deliveries by the USPS to once per week. Send all un-needed employees to the unemployment line or the Mexican border for a new assignment.
Begin building a wall at the Mexican border and dub it the great “Yes We Can Wall.”
Wall specs will include but are not be limited to the following:
• Wall will be continuous from the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific Ocean
• Wall will be minimum 50 feet high on Southern side.
• Wall will be minimum 60 feet high on Northern side.
• Wall will be 50 feet thick.
• Benchmark set at highest location along wall route between penetrations.
• Wall will be level from end to end between penetrations.
• Wall height will include a 10 foot high parapet on Southern side.
• Parapet walls will be pointed on the Southern side.
• Wall height will include a 20 foot high parapet on Northern side.
• Parapet walls will be flat on the Northern side with a continuous catwalk.
• Area between North and South Parapets will be flooded to form a moat.
• Moat will be made suitable for swamp life and become an alligator habitat.
• 18 month time from start to finish. Start today.
• Large cash rewards for contractors who finish their section on time or ahead of time.
• Daily liquidated damages for contractors failing to finish their section on time.
• Wall will have penetrations only at the legitimate border crossing locations.
Pardon all U.S. citizens being audited by the IRS unless they are a government employee. If the people at the IRS can’t figure out and agree amongst themselves what they are talking about, it is immoral for them to persecute others for not understanding what the IRS is talking about either.
I would assemble a panel of people who have been audited in the past to audit everyone who works for the IRS. If any violations are found, all assets are seized and sold. Current employees are audited first. Quitters might get looked at later but maybe not so it would be wise to quit immediately. Turnabout is fair play and all that stuff.
After those audits are completed, the Miranda Rights will be written across the top of every IRS Document printed. If a criminal has the right to remain silent until proven guilty, so should the rest of us.
Rename the war on terror, the War on Terror.
Tell the United Nations to go unite elsewhere. Get out.
Eliminate the Education Department.
Eliminate the Energy Department.
Gut the EPA.
Demand the name of the Farm Bill to be renamed the Corporate Welfare Bill.
Ban those squiggly light bulbs.
Remove all barriers to drilling for oil.
Declare the need for a “Constitutional Convention Amendment”. Return power to the states by encouraging a Constitutional Amendment that corrects the problems with having a Constitutional Convention.
Change April Fool’s Day to April 15th.
I probably eliminated what must be about a half million federal employees so far, I’ll take a look at Day 2’s agenda after my nap.