Don't believe in Global Warming? You're nuts!

The green movement is trying to figure out what to do with you conservatives.

They recently have been observing you in your natural habitat, sort of like watching dung beetles, taking notes on your behavior.

What they cannot understand is how to bridge the gap between you simplistic deniers and the need to accept climate science.

Noting that the average denier is a middle-aged white male with a thick wallet, they are disappointed in themselves for overlooking the fact that they forgot to include the need for sociologists and psychologists in the last round of government grant applications. If only they could bridge the gap between people who are logical and earn money, and their wispy half-baked notions.

With the proper amount of psychological application, the greens feel they could help you stupid people understand their message, or, to put it in their language:

Academia has an ahhhh…empirical duty to produce societal change ahhh…..through systematic and ahhh….conceptual enlightenment provided the theoretical methodology ahh..uses both interdisciplinary and cross-disciplinary reasoning as an ahh….implied consequence to ascertain a descriptive generalization.

I’m exaggerating, but not by much.

The greens are seriously concerned that skeptics of climate science are increasing in number, and are so polarized, that their sacred scientific argument is beginning to look like the abortion debate in the country. (Except for the fact that abortion has actually been debated.)

So fellas, your problem is that you have denied the existence of global warming, and the greens are going to fix your problem by sicking a pack of psychologists on you to make you understand. In their minds, y’all need your mind bent.

Your rejection of their science is causing them to apply more science.

I’m sure that will work.

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