Diary

Obamas Cabinet

January 1, 2009

B.H. Obama announced his cabinet picks today.

Secretary of State – P. Diddy“I understand diplomacy and how to post videos on YouTube.”

Secretary of Treasury – Oprah Winfrey“I am the richest African American of the 20th century,I know how to handle money y-all.”

Secretary of Defense – None – this Cabinet position will be eliminated.”All I need to do is talk to the bad people and they will understand”

Attorney General – Douglas W. KmiecCaruso Family Chair and Professor of Constitutional Law, Pepperdine University. He served as head of the Office of Legal Counsel (U.S. Assistant Attorney General) for Presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush. Former Dean of the law school at The Catholic University of America, Professor Kmiec was a member of the law faculty for nearly two decades at the University of Notre Dame.

Secretary of the Interior- Craig Rosebraugh Associated with the Earth Liberation Front (ELF) and the Animal Liberation Front (ALF), and who has served as a spokesman for both groups’ press offices.

Secretary of Agriculture – Hank Gilbert“Our next goal will be to win every Democratic position on the ballot in 2010!”

Secretary of Commerce- Ron BrownDid such a great job for Bill Clinton, I have invited him back.”What – he died? This position is still open.

Secretary of Labor – Richard Lopez
Almost president of International Brotherhood of Teamsters Local 743″My buddy BHO cleared everything up.”

Secretary of Health and Human Services – Michelle Obama University of Chicago Hospital’s Vice President for External Affairs”When Barack was elected to the U.S. Senate my salary more than doubled”

Secretary of Education – William AyersWorked with BHO on the Chicago Annenberg Challenge.”We managed to piss away $160 Million with no accountability.
Also worked on a demolition team in the 60’s to re-decorate the Capitol.”

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development – Tony Rezko Developed several housing projects in Chicago with Obamas help.*Will start serving as Secretary as soon as that pardon comes in.

Secretary of Transportation – Bob CarrHeaded the Appropriations Committee’s Subcommittee on Transportation.Mr. Carr was engaged in a power grab and violated a House rule against using a money bill to set policy.

Secretary of Energy – Nancy Pelosi
Pelosi has blocked efforts to revive offshore oil drilling in protected areas, reasoning that offshore drilling could lead to an increase in dependence on fossil fuels. Has developed windmill hats that every american can wear while riding bikes to work.

Secretary of Veterans Affairs – None “We don’t need those pain in the ass soldiers anymore.”

Secretary of Homeland Security – Bennie G. Thompson“I was Ranking Member – Committee on Homeland Security and the most liberal member of the Mississippi delegation and one of the most liberal members to ever represent the state in Congress.”

Chief of Staff – Keith OlbermannIn 1997, Olbermann abruptly left ESPN under a cloud of controversy, apparently burning his bridges with the network’s management. Countdown With Keith Olbermann adopted an opinion-oriented format. Much of the program featured sharp criticism of prominent Republicans and rightward leaning figures, including those working for or supporting the George W. Bush Administration, the 2008 Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain, and rival news commentator Bill O’Reilly, whom Olbermann routinely dubs the “Worst Person In The World.”MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann awarded the “Bronze” to the Associated Press in his nightly Worst Person in the World segment for calling Sen. Barack Obama “inexperienced in foreign affairs” in a June 5 news analysis. Calling the analysis a “really slanted piece,” Olbermann said: “When the AP starts taking sides and starts reading like The Washington Times, or The Nation, we’re all in a lot of trouble.”

Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency – Henry Waxman Helped co-sponsor The Safe Climate Act of 2007 (H.R. 1590) sets targets and requires the actions that will be necessary to avoid dangerous, irreversible warming of our planet caused by the hot air spewed by Al Gore.

Director of the Office of Management and Budget – Jeffrey Greenstein
Donated nearly $22,000 to tax-and-spend liberal Democrats on the national level and another $10,000 to tax-and-spend “education” initiatives on the state level. It seems that Greenstein believes not only in higher taxes but also that the responsibility for paying taxes should be borne only by those who aren’t clients of his tax evasion services.

Director of the Office of National Drug Control Policy – Barack Hussein Obama“I have used drugs and know a lot about them”