Diary

Gee, Ms. Psaki

The recent State Department statements on the “root causes” of terrorism and the President’s remarks comparing himself to a big city mayor fighting crime inspired me to write a little parody based on the song “Gee, Officer Krupke” from “West Side Story.” My family was kind enough to encourage me to post it on Red State. The spacing’s a bit off, but I hope you enjoy it.

So, with apologies to Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim, here’s “Gee, Ms. Psaki.”

 

ISIS

Dear kindly Ms. Psaki

Marie Harf understands

It’s just our bringin’ up-ki

That makes us cut off hands

Our fathers want Sharia

Our mothers need The Pill

Insha’Allah, naturally we kill!

 

Gee, dear Ms. Psaki, we’re very upset

We never got the perks that all the Jews seem to get

We ain’t radical Muslims

We’re only annoyed

Because we’re just too unemployed

 

Unemployed, unemployed

We are unemployed!

We need programs to keep us all employed!

 

PSAKI: (Spoken)

That’s some great PR.

ISIS: (Spoken)

We shall tell it to the world!

PSAKI

Just tell it to the media.

ISIS:
Crusaders of the U.S.

Listen to our words:

The Zionists and Egypt

And Jordan and the Kurds,

They never will defeat us

‘Cause Allah’s on our side

Foolish dhimmis, there’s no place to hide!

MSNBC

But…
Spokesperson Psaki, we’re at your command

You say it isn’t Islam; we’ll report that as planned.

It’s just random violence the President cites.

But even criminals have rights!

 

ISIS
I got rights!

AG HOLDER
They have rights, they have rights
They have civil rights.
They’re entitled to their civil rights!

(Spoken, as Judge) In the opinion of the President and myself, ISIL’s actions are due to legitimate grievances. And racism.

ISIS: (Spoken) Death to America!

OBAMA (Spoken)

So take it to the UN!

ISIS
The Zionists are evil,
Crusaders are as well.
Apostates love the devil

They’re going straight to Hell.

We must impose Sharia

Until the last one’s dead

Goodness gracious, that’s why we behead!

HILLARY: See?

Dear Ms. Psaki, I think we should say

Defeating ISIS means we have to see things their way.
We have to think clearly before we proceed.

It’s empathizing that we need!

HILLARY, PSAKI, HARF, HOLDER, OBAMA

Empathize, empathize

We must empathize

And cut the U.S. down to size

OBAMA: The problem here isn’t religion. Religions don’t make people commit violence. And look at the Inquisition. The Crusades.

ISIS: Yeah, the Crusades!

OBAMA: We all need to get off our high horse!

ISIS
Barack Hussein Obama,
You’ve got a Muslim name
You’re talking like Osama
America’s to blame!
You act as if you’re with us

You went to Muslim schools

Allahu Akbar, Americans are fools!

HARF:  Eek!
It’s not about Islam, the President said.

Anyone who says it is has got a hole in the head.

The concept’s too nuanced for American slobs
Don’t kill these people, get them jobs!

OBAMA
They need jobs!
ISIS
We need jobs, we need jobs!
Just good-paying jobs.
Keep telling yourselves that we need jobs!

HOLDER (As Judge)
The trouble is we’re racist.

PSAKI (As Psychiatrist)
Fighting back is a mistake.
HARF (As Social Worker)
The trouble is job training.

HILLARY

What difference does it make?
MCCAIN

The trouble’s the jihadists.

(collective gasp).

OBAMA
But jihad isn’t bad.

ALL
We don’t want to

Make the Muslims mad!

OBAMA

Hey, dear Ms. Psaki
I want you to say
That violent extremism is the cause of this fray.

America needs to

Get off its high horse.

 

In the AUMF

No force!