The Declaration of Dependence

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for One Man to create political bands which shall bind a people unto himself, and to assume among the powers of the Earth, the separate and more equal station to which the Laws of Alinsky and of Alinsky’s god Lucifer entitles him, a decent self-respect and care for the opinions of posterity requires that he should declare the methods which impel him to the Throne.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, but that I am more Equal than others; that they are endowed by their government with certain temporary favors, that among these are Tolerance, Diversity, and the pursuit of Enlightenment.  That to distribute these favors, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from their superiority over the governed, That whenever any popular movement becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Government to alter or to abolish it,  and to institute new Astroturf, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect the Rulers’ Collective Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that humankind are more disposed to acquiesce, while a Greater Good is continually Promised to them, than to right themselves by abolishing the chains to which they have become accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to remove them from their rightful fate of absolute Despotism, it is the right, it is the absolute duty, of their Government, to crush the dissent, and to provide new Guards for its own future security.

Such has been My patient sufferance with these Teabaggers; and such is now the necessity which constrains me to alter their former Systems of Government. The ascent of the most merciful King of Obamica is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations , all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

I have refused my Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
I have forbidden my Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance regarding the drilling for oil, unless suspended in their operation till my Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, I have utterly neglected to attend to them.
I have refused to enforce other Laws for the Exclusion of large districts of foreign peoples, unless those people would immediately be given the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inconsequential to them and useful to tyrants only.
I have hidden my Vital Documents at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the official depository of the public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing my foes into despair over locating them.
I have voted ‘Present’ within Representative Houses repeatedly, imposing without manly firmness my invasions on the rights of the people.

I have refused for a long time, after such usurpations, to cause constructionist judges to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have been removed from the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

I have endeavoured to supplant the natural-born population of these States; for that purpose concocting Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to enforce others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
I have obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing my Assent to Rulings given by Judiciary powers.
I have made Wise Latina Judges dependent on my Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
I have erected a multitude of New Czars, and sent hither swarms of IRS to harass my people, and eat out their substance.
I have proposed that there be kept among the populace, in times of peace, Citizen’s Armies, just as well funded as the Military, without the Consent of the legislatures.
I have affected to render the Military impotent of and inferior to the Civil power, requiring that the same protections given to my Citizens during a trial in time of peace, be extended also to our Nation’s enemies on the battlefield.
I have combined with George Soros, the UN, and others to subject the U.S. to a jurisdiction foreign to our Constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving my Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of lawyers among the people:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any felonies which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off the Nation’s prosperity by means of uneven Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on everyone without their Consent:
For depriving the citizens in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury, and substituting Trial by Character Assassination:
For transporting the majority into Kangaroo Courts to be tried for pretended offenses
For abolishing the free System of American Laws in the District of Columbia, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these States:
For taking away the States’ Charters, abolishing their most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of their Governments:
For overriding the States’ Legislatures, and declaring myself invested with power to legislate for in all cases whatsoever.
I have abdicated Government here, by declaring Obamica out of my Protection and doing nothing while ISLAM is waging War against them.
I have defiled the seas, ravaged the Coasts, mortgaged our towns, and destroyed the economic lives of the people.
I am at this time ignoring large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally worthy of the Caliph of a subjugated nation.
I have constrained fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms on behalf of their Country, lest they become the executioners of my friends and Brethren, preferring instead that the Captives die by their Hands.
I have excited domestic insurrections amongst the U.S., and have endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Trafficking Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions The Teabaggers have Petitioned for Redress in the most odious and intolerant racist terms: their repeated Petitions have been marked only by repeated insults and injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, may as well live up to the billing, for the people’s own good, and his own greater glory.

Nor have I been wanting in attentions to our erstwhile tools of the Far Right, Fox News and Rush Limbaugh. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their followers to retrieve any unwarrantable information on us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here, and provided our Birth Certificate online. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by our ties to our once-enslaved kindred (“the Race Card”) to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our machinations and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. I must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces my Ascension, and hold them, as I hold the rest of mankind, Enemies, except for the Religion of Peace, whom I hold as Friends.

I, therefore, Barack Hussein Obama I, the Lord Protector of the united States of America, in conjunction with the Reid / Pelosi Congress, Dissembled, appealing to the Supreme Scourge of the world for the rectitude of my intentions, do, in my Name, and by Authority of the Ivy League Democrat graduates of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United States are, and of Right ought no longer to be Free and Independent States; that they are Acquired for all Allegiance to the Barack Crown; and that all political connection between them and their former Constitution, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as unfree and Dependent States, I have full Power over them to cause them to suffer War, adopt the Religion of Peace, betray former Alliances, Tax Commerce out of existence, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Sovereigns may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Diabolical Maleficience, I mutually pledge to myself their Lives, their Fortunes and my lack of Honor.