Does Obama Live On My Couch?

 We all know him. He lives large. He has never held a steady job. He is charming, but ever needy. He has grand plans that will put him on the fast track to permanent success. Those plans never quite materialize.

He has hit you up for loans before, and you always, always, want to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, his plans would have worked if only a bad piece of luck had not stopped him.

When he ran out of options and he out-borrowed his ability to be welcome, he was living precariously. The slightest event would throw him off his game. You know this guy. He sprained his shoulder, or his girlfriend threw him out of her apartment and now he is living on your couch.

Just today, you came home and found him drinking milk out of the container. He looked sheepish, after being caught, and promised he would replace the milk. You nodded, because you just knew that he wouldn’t, and it wasn’t worth the fight. C’mon, don’t tell me this isn’t bringing up some bad memories.

Gently, but firmly, you confront him. You tell him that he needs to get back on his feet. You invite him to discuss his plans for the future. You tell him that you want to help, but in fact, you miss your couch, and you will not be drinking milk from the fridge until he is gone.

He agrees. He says he has some BIG ideas and he cannot wait to share them with you, but he has to go play golf for a few weeks and he will discuss it with you in the beginning of September.

We all know this guy. He talks a great game but he is unaware of the tension he has caused between you and your spouse. He feels entitled to that which you have earned. He invites friends over without asking, and you are not altogether happy about how they are interacting with your kids.

One thing is certain. One thing is sure. One thing is beyond question. You would never let him run the household finances! He has no idea how to save, or even why you would. He cannot build for the future because he is so narcissistic that he believes its your job to pave his way to his future.

He agrees to reduce his use of your pay-per-view, but he resents it. Then he suggests that you build a shed for his motorcycle so that it will be protected against the rain, that way he won’t have to borrow from you as often to have it fixed.

We know this guy. He is president of the United States of America. Tonight he is going to give a charming speech. He is going to offer employers a small discount on the cost of Social Security, then ask for 300 billion in borrowed money to build necessary infrastructure. He will tell us that we have crumbling bridges, but he will not tell us that government rules have made bridge building so expensive, that the replacement of the Bay bridge in San Francisco is being built in China, and shipped to California to save half a billion dollars.

He will say that we need money for the FAA to modernize airports. He will not say that this includes airports like Aspen, CO, where tax payers will extend the runway by 1000 ft. Not for the scheduled airlines, and not so that bigger planes can land there, but so that private jets can fly non-stop from Teterboro to Aspen, and back.

Like the guy on the couch, Obama is a promises guy. He pledged not to take private money in his first campaign, but he only kept the pledge until private money was offered. He promised to be a post-partisan president, but he was only post-partisan until the day he was inaugurated. He promised that under his stewardship unemployment would never go above 8 percent. It has never been below eight percent. Even his own team admits that 8 percent will not happen for the rest of his term. He promised 3.5 million, then 2 million then 1 million new jobs. Last month there were no new jobs at all. He promised that Obamacare would reduce the cost of health care. It will increase it, greatly.

Obama is not at all at fault, according to Obama. His failures are due to an earthquake in Japan, a currency problem in Europe, the fall of a dictator in Africa and a 5.8 earthquake in Virginia which according to Ann Coulter, almost caused some Americans to lose their balance. If you are listening closely, you might not notice that the previous president had to deal with an 8.9 earthquake and tsunami that killed 250,000 people in Indonesia, riots in France, intifadas in Israel and two category four storms hitting within 30 days in 2005.

Tonight we will hear more of the same. We will hear him give excuses for why he can’t lead. We will hear him forget why his previous ideas have not worked. We will here him make pledges that he cannot possibly follow through on, and we will hear him blame us. He will tell us in no uncertain terms that this guy on the couch is the smartest guy in the room, and if only he can get his hands on the rest of our bank account, he would prove it to all of us.