Fly Delta: Voyeurism, Exhibitionism and Foreplay ... but no smoking

Since the 1973 Supreme Court decision of Roe v. Wade, pro-Abortion Democrats have sought votes by warning of Republicans that want to “get in your bedroom” while they invaded your wallet and every other room of your house and workplace. Now, the leader of the increasingly Less-Free World wants to get you into a public bedroom for three-on-ones should you dare exercise your right to travel.

The war on terrorism is going to get personal. Very personal. Americans have long resented the hassles that go with air travel ever since 9/11 — long security lines, limits on liquids, forced removal of footwear and so on. But if the Transportation Security Administration has its way, we will look back to 2009 as the good old days.

The agency is rolling out new full-body scanners, which eventually will replace metal detectors at all checkpoints. These machines replicate the experience of taking off your clothes, but without the fun. They enable agents to get a view of your body that leaves nothing to the imagination.

For the camera-shy, TSA will offer an alternative: “enhanced” pat-downs. This is not the gentle frisking you may have experienced at the airport in the past. It requires agents to probe aggressively in intimate zones — breasts, buttocks, crotches.

I would accept the offer, but the Peach State still allows you to smoke in your own car, and my car has a large backseat. Besides, aren’t some of the sexually active allergic to peanuts?

911, private property rights and the myths of second-hand smoke or, Delta ain’t Hooters

I flew Delta often before September 11, 2001. Not so much since, due to the delays involved in trying to prevent more 911s. Quite frankly, new regulations that require procedures similar to sexual foreplay go a long way towards making the delays more palatable, but not once have I imagined that I had a “right” to fly on the airlines’ private property on my terms. I didn’t sue Atlanta’s super airline. I remembered that Atlanta’s Mohammed Atta and last year’s bomber whose underwear we needed a gaze beneath.

I visited a Hooters Restaurant in Charlotte once, before enactment of the 2009 law that banned Winstons and Salems in all but private clubs in Winston-Salem. The waitress served me cleavage and a glass of water before I lit up my Middleton’s Black & Mild cigar before I was informed of the company’s Owl-like wisdom-informed policy on the dangers of second-hand smoke and left the building for more aromatic confines.

I did not file a lawsuit against Hooters, understanding that the owners of same have a right to control the atmosphere of their property, even if their decisions are based on the faux lethality of nicotine in millions of parts per billion. Heck, I heard that you can roll tobacco into small cylindrical objects and suck the smoke down your throat at the rate of two packs/day and still live to age 65, but I digress. There ought to be a free market in restaurants that allow or disallow smoking and if the government really insists that second-hand smoke is dangerous, they could require that employees wear masks. (Coal mines and textile plants haven’t been banned)

Many may expect me to argue at this point for a free market in air travel from Georgia that would allow airlines to offer riskier flights for the modest, abstinent and/or monogamous. I would, if there were a way to suspend the laws of gravity that endanger innocent pedestrians after the 10,000 feet in the air explosions. Even the Nanny State-in-Chief Messiah that can lower oceans hasn’t sent that bill to Pelosi yet, but watch out for the lame Duck.

But, just as one should have no right to force restaurants to serve them under their atmospheric terms, so we have no right to a particular mode or carrier of travel.

I would like to see a study comparing the dangers of infinitesimal doses of Marlboro with x-rays though.

Mike DeVine

“One man with courage makes a majority.” – Andrew Jackson

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