Amerika 2011!

One day, while driving to the airport I was stopped at an alcohol checkpoint. I refused the breathilizer as I had been previously instructed by council to do,  but the cops had a judge there who issued a warrent to take my blood by force if necessary, or get arrested.  After I had been strapped down by the public “PEACE” (police) officer, a needle was jabbed into MY BODY by an unknown person whose credentials, I could not even verify. When I was finally released, I drove on to the airport.  I almost got into an accident when I swerved to avoid running over a family running accross the freeway from the other side of the border.  I would have seen them if I wasn’t busy being distracted by the army of proteters on the other side of the freeway wearing what looked like Che Guevara T-shirts and waving purple SEIU signs while screaming into bull-horns, “YES WE CAN!”

When I finally made it to the airport, I ignored what looked like a bullet hole in the right rear quarter panel of my hybrid car that the government deemed necessary for me to have in order to save the environment. Finally inside the airport, I waited an hour for a live person to assist me with my check-in.  I was then told I would have to stand in line for security to clear me from any contraband.  I had to wait 2 hours in line and then I was told by what I thought was a burly man but turned out to be a lady with a mustache (mom?) that I would be frisked and have my privates touched to make sure I wasnt carrying anything that might be deemed a weapon. I was advised that I could refuse but would have to submit to an x-ray that would show my naked body to a total stranger. I tried to refuse but they told me I would be fined $11K and arrested if I did so.  I hadn’t gone THROUGH security yet so I thought I could just cancel my flight and go back home instead of submitting to this public humiliation and violatoin of my 4th Amendment Constitutional RIGHTS. That LADY returned to me an informed me that I had already ENTERED RESTRICTED space where even speech is not free.  Where even JOKING can get you arrested.  It was an area where rights DO NOT exist. When I arrived LATE at my destination, I was inforomed by the Captain that there was no gate available for the aircraft to park.  Five hours later, The captain updated the passengers that it would ONLY be another 10 minutes.  Two more hours had ensued and by this time, the aircraft was hot and smelly, the babies were crying, people were angry and loud and the bathrooms were overflowing.  But we were updated AGAIN that we would be moving in FIVE minutes. After we finally off boarded and went to collect our bags, I picked up two of the three bags I had paid to get checked in.  Customs was going through my third bag because the dog had picked up a scent. (Christmas CANDY that I had brought for my friends and family!) This caused the dog to react strangely and justified TSA AND CUSTOMS to open my bag, go through my belongings, leave them in disarray and then allow me to go on my merry way. Sans the candy! FINALLY! We left the airport and were thankfully on our way to visit family at their homes, there was another check point…


P.S.  Upon arriving at my families house, I found out my aunt had been diagnosed with cancer but there was medicine that would send the cancer into remission.  Unfortunately, due to Obama-Care, cancer medicine (REALLY) is being rationed and there simply wouldn’t be any to save her life.  Besides, she was already 89 years old and she likely wouldn’t, after all, live much longer. The costs to save her life were just something that the government could no longer afford.  It was sad but we understood that learning the mating habbits of the Indonesian Swamp Monkey was vital to the nations interests and therefore, the funds that were appropriated for Obama-Care had to be diverted because, after all, the Indonesian Tree Monkey was vital to our national interests…

We were saddended at the news but were at least greatful that we could celebrate Christmas and recognize our Lord and Savior.  We decided to go Christmas caroling but a few moments after we began singing at our friends window, the police came to silence us because the Muslim neighbors across the street were offended and felt like their religioius freedom was being violated.  We were threatened with a citation.  We exclaimed that it was our religious freedom and right to celebrate the birth of Jesus The Christ.  The police officer told us that the government does not recognize any one religion and therefore, Christmas was no longer a holy day.

Saddened and dismayed, we returned home but found that due to the rising cost of electricity, because coal was no longer an acceptable form of eco friendly energy, the power had been shut off.  Turning on candles, we thought we would make the best out of a bad situation and lit the fireplace to keep us warm.  A few minutes later, the fire department cited us for creating a fire hazzard that was also poluting the environment.  By this time, we had run out of carbon credits because of cap and trade and my aunt was feeling really REALLY bad.

Her condition kept getting worse so we had to take her to the emergency room.  She would have been seen quickly under normal circumstances but the E.R. was full of illegal immigrants vieing for attention now that health care was a national right to all people even those that didnt pay taxes.  Then we saw a man wearing a turbin with a badly burned arm being rushed past everyone including my aunt who by this time was vomiting blood from her cancer.  Achmed was the mans name. I heard the nurse screaming it over the din of the babies with H1N1 that needed medical attention almost as bad as my now dieing aunt.  Achmed had failed his attempt to carry out HIS religious right and was threatening to sue the government so the doctors were madly doing anything in their power to save his life so that he can try again.

By this time, my aunt turned to me and said, they can keep their liberty, she just wanted death.  I told her, don’t worry aunty, at least I know you will be in heaven and with my HIV, it won’t be much longer before I join you.