Intemperate Thoughts V

My very first “Intemperate Thoughts” post came just after an Independence Day holiday, so it seems appropriate to have another during this holiday.

For those unfamiliar, this is a list of random, often cynical and (hopefully) humorous thoughts that I’ve been collecting for the past few months.  They’re insensitive and meant to irk you.  And if you’re really offended by them, then I’m really, really happy about that.

Here we go!

  1. For the Left, why is it that after 60 days in Iraq it was, “Bush lied, who died?” when after 60 days in Libya it’s, “GET OFF OBAMA’S BACK!!!1!1!!!11eleventy!!!
  2. It seems the new immigration law has the illegals leaving Georgia.  Now farmers complain no one wants to work their farms.  Of course not!  Why work in the hot when you can sit on your bum, eat McDonald’s and collect a welfare check?!
  3. I don’t feel any need to defend Halperin or go after MSNBC.  After all, if Rachel Maddow or even Bill Kristol had said the same thing about Paul Ryan, we’d be calling for their heads.
  4. Speaking of BIll Kristol, today he suggested a Bachmann/Lieberman ticket.  So, just when did he escape from his straight jacket?
  5. I haven’t watched one second of the Casey Anthony story on Fox News and I just don’t care.
  6. Today was a “day without immigrants”.  Illegals stayed home to show their solidarity.  The only thing that seemed different was that I made it to work without being cut-off by a beat-up minivan with 74 ladders scotch-taped to the roof.
  7. As long as Michael Bay is making them, I will continue to boycott “Transformers” movies.
  8. If any Americans are killed or injured on the Gaza Flotilla, I will get very, very choked up.  Honestly, there could be tears.
  9. If you believed what I wrote in number 7, please click this link.
  10. It seems pop singer Adele (who is officially over-played, by the way) doesn’t like paying 50% of her income in taxes…  Welcome to the Conservative Party of Britain, Ms. Adele.
  11. Just where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
  12. They printed hundreds of billions of dollars last year to pay for “stimulus” and other spending.  Inflation is well above economic growth levels this year.  If you don’t see a connection please don’t vote.
  13. Why is it that our standardized tests are so focused on math, science and English and ignore history and economics?
  14. And since those standardized tests are so focused on math, science and English, why are so many people so bad at all three?
  15. Anyone who thinks Donald Trump would make a good president should probably invest in a time-share.  The value proposition is the same.
  16. If I say, “Number One Combo with Coke Zero, that’s all,” then no I do not want a friggin’ apple pie with that!
  17. Michele Bachmann was evicerated for claiming the Founding Father fought against slavery.  If you are one of those who thought her initial claim was uneducated, please beat your head against a wall for 5 hours.
  18. I’ve been going to the beach and the pool a lot this year.  I forgot I had an albino birth mark on my chest.
  19. Twitter 2.0 sucks worse than you thought.  That is all.
  20. I’ve apparently been sent a Google+ invite and have even seen some Google+ notices in my e-mail.  Yet I can’t sign up.  What up, Google?
  21. Sunburns on your ankle hurt.  A lot.
  22. Some people think the world was created to serve them.  These people are called “Democrats”.
  23. If you live in this country and you’ve been to Europe but never bothered with visiting the grandeur that is America, you’re of no use to me.
  24. In my experience, the people who are the most likely to call someone out for being a “mooch” are people collecting checks from the government.
  25. I’m getting really sick and tired of the President using the phrase “ordinary Americans”.  The whole point of America is that we’re all free to live our lives the way we want.  The whole point is that we can avoid being “ordinary”.
  26. Does Adam S. Baldwin (whom you should follow on twitter) still have the hat he wore in the Firefly episode “The Message”?
  27. I want that hat.
  28. I’m thinking of starting a business to sell carbon credits for 4th of July fireworks.  I just need $412 million in stimulus cash to get started.
  29. The NBA is going on strike.  I might care if I weren’t so busy watching paint dry.
  30. I laugh at environmentalists who call wind energy “free”.  Yeah, it’s free.  Except for that $5,000 per rated killowatt turbine you’ve got to build first.
  31. The world might be flat, as Thomas Friedman says, but the sewer drains via Venezuela.  Apparently directly through Hugo Chavez’ colon.
  32. The only hippie for whom I have any respect (besides my aunt and her life mate, or whatever he is) is Cody Lundin.  That man can make fire out of a water-logged handkerchief and the arm of a desk chair.
  33. Speaking of Discovery Channel shows, I haven’t been able to watch Deadliest Catch without Phil Harris.
  34. If you have a college degree in hyphenated-American Studies, you have two choices:  Government bureaucrat or flipping burgers.  You’re only qualified for the latter.
  35. Atlanta’s hockey team has moved to Winnepeg.  By the time Atlanta gets another hockey team, the Cubs will have won a World Series and France will have won a war.
  36. (h/t JeffEmanuel) Atheists are flying banners over 27 states this weekend proclaiming “God-LESS America” and “Atheism is Patriotic”.  Backlash in 3… 2… 1…
  37. By the way, those atheists apparently had trouble finding pilots to fly the banners behind their planes.  Seems someone forgot to tell them that “Freedom of the Press” belongs to the owner of the press.
  38. When my income took a hit in 2009, I cut my expenses and started paying down debt.  The Democrats, faced with the same thing, borrowed $3 trillion and signed on for another massive entitlement program.  I’m officially more qualified to be in Congress than they are.
  39. We will not be able to cut the deficit without cutting Medicare/Medicaid and Social Security.  The math just isn’t there.  Get over it now and move on.
  40. Marco Rubio is running for President.  Not in 2012, but in 2016 or (hopefully) in 2020.  And I will vote for him.
  41. Rick Perry does not have a barbecue smoker.  He has a hole in the ground and a flame-thrower.
  42. The Sarbannes-Oxley law is job-security for my day job.  I am embroiled in its consequences every day.  It’s utterly useless.
  43. “Flyover Country”.  If you use that term as anything more than a cynical description of where you live, you’re useless.
  44. There are ants in Madagascar that apparently raise as livestock other insects.  I find these ants entirely more useful in my daily life than Nancy Pelosi.
  45. It is not rational, as atheists claim, to proclaim that there is no God.  The only scientifically rational position to hold is that we don’t know for certain that God(s) exist.  Everything else, be it Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism or atheism, is based upon faith.
  46. Socialism and communism aren’t based upon faith.  They’re based upon insanity.
  47. New York approved same-sex marriages.  We’ll just call that an “economic stimulus” for divorce lawyers.
  48. I might be able to take the whole “Climate Change” thing more seriously if its proponents didn’t claim that everything from flooding to blizzards to traffic jams to toothaches are caused by it.
  49. I was relieved to pay just $3.369 for gas the other day.  Then I kicked myself for being happy about $3.369 gas.
  50. I have seen more faux-reality and/or Vote-for-your-favorite shows this year than I’ve ever seen in my life.  This must be what going mad feels like.

That’s all I’ve got for now.  Honestly, I strained to get to 50.  Either I’m less crotchety or I just don’t have the energy to be my cynical self these days.

Happy fourth.  Celebrate the founding of your country by blowing up a small part of it.