The True Story Behind Hillary's Private email Address

Early 2009, in a town in New York.

Bill: You’re going to be Secretary of State very soon.

Hill: I know that.

Bill: You need to decide about your professional email address.

Hill: I suppose I should use the one State provides for me.

Bill: Are you sure about that? What if Chelsea gets married? Or your mother dies (the old bat)? Do you want things you write about that to be in a government file somewhere?

Hill: Ok, I’ll just carry a second iPhone and have a second email address for my personal use.

Bill: That’ll be a pain; it’ll clutter up your purse. And you’ll never remember two email addresses. I think you ought to go with the @Clinton email server in our basement. That’s where I store all the emails girls people send to me. Then, if say, an embassy comes under attack and somebody gets killed, and the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy wants to look at your emails, you just say, “Hey, knock yourselves out, I’ll give you all my official business emails; here they are, all printed out nice and neat for you.” And you give them everything you want them to see, hard copy form. That’ll drive them CRAZY! Of course, you won’t give them your ‘personal’ correspondence.

The beauty of it is that YOU get to decide what’s official business. But it’s ALL personal. But this only works if everything is mixed in together on the same, PRIVATE email account.

Hill: What if they try to get their hands on the server?

Bill: Just tell them that the only stuff left on it is personal. Your notes to me, Chelsea’s notes to you, even my personal notes from adoring fans. Try this: “It’s none of your beeswax.” Even if they go to court to force you, they’ll never find a judge who will issue a subpoena for the physical drive. They all owe me.

As a last resort, the server might fall off its treadmill during an exercise session. I imagine it would be destroyed by a fall like that. And the press will believe what it’s told, so there’ll be no backups to worry about.

Hill: Oh, Bill, you are so smart! That’s another reason they call you Slick Willie. I’ll do just what you say.