the Ballad of Jimmy the Thief

Jimmy stole into your house while you were asleep and kidnapped your two children.  He sold the children to the Chinese for what he could get, and used the money to buy drugs and hotel rooms for the homeless–because he cared.  He set up a fund for people who do not work, which he financed by selling children to China.  He gave money to failed schools, radio stations, and artists.

Ronnie tracked Jimmy down, brought him to the town square and suggested Jimmy should never to be seen again.  Ronnie said we should take the money and buy your children back from China.  Ronnie said we should vote on it.

Georgie had a chorus.  They sang of the brave deeds of Jimmy, and excoriated Ronnie.  The chorus sang that the children sold to China were sold by Ronnie–‘both the same, both the same, both the same’, they sang.  They sang that buying your children back from China was unfair–‘rich should pay, rich should pay, rich should pay’, they sang.

Now came the vote:  The homeless voted for Jimmy, and so many others for Jimmy, too.  How did it happen?  We all wonder.  Jimmy sold the children into slavery, and the only way to get them back is to use the money he gave away.  We know the math, we do not have the money for all the rest, if China is to be paid.  And China will be paid.  So how did Jimmy win?

My friends, you ask me why I am such mean conservative, because ‘all the same, rich should pay’.  All I can say is that the money is already spent, and the rich will pay, but we only have enough to buy our children back, and barely that, before the sun will set.

I stand against Jimmy the thief, and all his minions.  And that is why.