Jonathan Livingston Liberal

It is a well-known fact that birds teach their offspring to fly by kicking them out of the nest. More often than not, the chicks quickly understand that to fly is to live.

One of the hardest things a conservative has to accept, therefore, is that we’re not birds, and the so-called “divine spark of reason” we humans possess sometimes leads ordinarily good people to believe that remaining under their mothers’ wings in perpetuity is safer (and infinitely more comfortable) than risking independence.

Such, I fear, is the case with the minority in this country who remain steadfastly loyal to an ideology that refuses to accept the very Darwinist principles they fought for in that courtroom in 1925. They’ve suddenly latched onto Jesus’ teaching that “whatsoever you do to the least of you, you do unto Me.”

I imagine this would be noble, were it born of a genuine desire to serve their fellows. Alas, we know the truth, don’t we?

While it’s been amusing to watch the left fight for particular principles, only to be forced into adopting contrary positions as a result of the atrocious consequences of their impassioned beliefs, I find myself resolved that I’ve done precisely the same thing during the course of my ideological evolution.

In other words, while I initially resented being told by the Darwinists that my own beliefs were utter nonsense, I’ve come to embrace the concept of “survival of the fittest.”

The weakest of our species will be, either at the hands of Divine Intervention or simple science, invariably forced out of the nest. That isn’t politics, folks; it’s proven, incontrovertible, scientific fact. They will either learn to fly, and hence provide for themselves through independent thought and learning or cooperation (not to be confused with redistribution, as is their wont), or they will die. Mother birds, after all, have never been observed caring for their adult offspring.

Therefore, my heart soars at the knowledge that we appear to be living in a time when the majority of producers in this great nation have decided that perhaps, in this instance, Darwin nailed it squarely on the head.