Diary

Obama's First 20 Executive Orders

Day 1 of the new administration promises to be busy. We got a secret copy of the memo.

It’s XO Day! The first 20 orders will be:

  • All press questions about Israel and Gaza shall be referred to an unnamed spokesman.
  • Now that I’m president, all press questions about the economy shall be referred to an unnamed spokesman, unlike previously, when I sat back and criticized everything Bush did.
  • FoxNews — off the plane.
  • Joe Biden – who is that? I am the vice president I have been waiting for!
  • Concensus now means – everybody agrees with me. Well, actually, it always meant that.
  • Executive Orders are now laws.
  • Everything is Bush’s fault.
  • Everything that is not Bush’s fault is the Republicans’ fault.
  • Fairness doctrine – Law!
  • Card-Check – Law!
  • Homeland Security – tear down that wall!
  • When I play basketball, I win.
  • Illinois shall be renamed Obamanois
  • Texas shall be renamed “I hate that place”.
  • Jack Bauer must be arrested.
  • I win American Idol – every year!
  • The TV show Lost must explain the gray cloud-dinosaur thing.
  • Pudding!
  • Put all the ‘O’s back on those darn keyboards.

and….

  • Dang, I am one FINE looking individual!